Oct. 8, 2025

The Invisible Cost of Putting Yourself Last (Financially and Emotionally)

The Invisible Cost of Putting Yourself Last (Financially and Emotionally)
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Season 1

When you’re always the one giving—your time, your energy, your money—it’s easy to think you’re just being selfless. Putting yourself last comes with a price tag you can’t. We will unpack the hidden financial & emotional costs of neglecting your own needs, from burnout & depleted savings to missed opportunities & strained relationships. Recognize the warning signs, set healthy boundaries, & start investing in yourself without the guilt—because taking care of you is the smartest move you can make.

Ask Good Questions is broadcast live Wednesdays at 6PM ET on W4CY Radio (www.w4cy.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com). Ask Good Questions is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).

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WEBVTT

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The topics and opinions expressed in the following show are

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solely those of the hosts and their guests and not

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those of W FOURCY Radio. It's employees are affiliates. We

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make no recommendations or endorsements for radio show programs, services,

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or products mentioned on air or on our web. No

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liability explicitor implies shall be extended to W FOURCY Radio

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or its employees are affiliates. Any questions or comments should

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be directed to those show hosts. Thank you for choosing

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W FOURCY Radio.

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Welcome to to Ask Good Questions Podcasts, broadcasting live every Wednesday,

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six pm Eastern Time on W four CY Radio at

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w four cy dot com. This week and every week,

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we will reach for a higher purpose in money and life,

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as well as a focus on health and wellment. Now,

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let's join your host, Anita bell Anderson, as together we

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start with Asking Good Questions.

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Hello, and welcome to the Ask Good Questions podcast. So

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excited that you're here today. We have a wonderful guest

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today that is going to enlighten you with some very

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important things that sometimes we might even not be thinking about.

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So with that, I would like to invite my guest

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to the proverbial podcast stage. Her name is Linda Grizzly,

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like the bear right right. So Linda is a personal

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finance educator and she's also a motivational speaker, and she

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is the creator of something she calls me Money or

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the Me Money Method, and it's a mindset first approach.

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I'm seeing that more and more of these gates a

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mindset first approach that helps women stop putting themselves in

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their own budget last. So that's basically what we're going

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to be talking about today is how a lot of

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times women put themselves last. She is a former teen

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mom who went back to college at forty eight and

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built a multi six figure career in financial services and

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now she helps women gain clarity and confidence and control

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with their money without lectures or judgment. So with that, Linda,

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I just want to welcome you to the podcast.

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Anita, I'm glad to be here.

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Yeah. So, you know, this podcast is all about asking

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good questions. So I hope that we're going to not

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disappoint today with asking some very good questions. So let

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me ask you if you do you have anything to

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add to that. As I'm asking you, like my first question,

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is there anything you want to add when you think

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about when did you first realize that always putting others

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first was costing you more than you thought?

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Well, I have to say that I first realized that

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putting others before myself was costing me my health and

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mentally and physically.

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I understood that first.

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And I think that that that came about during during

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COVID times when I was trying to juggle everything. I

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had two elderly parents that I was partly taking care of.

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It was complicated, and it was just a lot, Like

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I had a lot going on. And there was one

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point in time where I ended up hanging up on

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my mother on the phone and my husband was like,

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what is wrong with you? And I was like, you know,

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I just I was dealing with my dad. Like I said,

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there's separate. I was dealing with something with my dad

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and like like he had been in this accident and

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like it was just everything was just way too much.

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And I realized at that point that I was putting

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everyone else before me and I was trying to do

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it all, but I still wasn't taking care of myself.

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So I think that's when I realized, like mentally and

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physically what was happening, But it wasn't actually until a

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little while later that I realized that I was putting

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everybody else before myself financially as well. And that actually

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came about in a completely different way than you would think,

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because it came about because I put my husband on

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a budget.

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And I can tell you more about that story, but.

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I want to just start talking and take completely off

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track yet, so I will stop there and let you

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ask me the next question.

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Well, it's kind of the truth behind that is that

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if you don't, if you don't take care of yourself,

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then you're not going to be Eventually, it's going to

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catch up to you, and you're not going to be

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any good to anybody. So that is a truth that

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I have learned again and again and again that you

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have to take care of yourself first. So tell me this,

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what do you think are some of the subtle morning

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signs that you're giving too much financially or emotionally where

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you suddenly realize that you're on the way to burn out.

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Well, I think like physically and mentally the signs are there.

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I mean I knew they were there, and most people

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know that they're there. They just don't do anything about

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it until something happens. And that happens to a lot

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of people in the workplace too, like burnout in the workplace,

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Like they know it's there, but they just keep pushing through.

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And I can tell you that I've talked in the

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last six months to probably five different people women who

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in the workplace ended up actually in the hospital from

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stress and overwork and just everything that was go overwhelm

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everything that's going on in their lives. Not necessarily that

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they've ended up in the hospital in six months, but

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in the last six months, but people that I've talked

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to in the last six months, it's it's more prevalent

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than you would and you know, it's not like you

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don't know, you know, you just don't do anything about

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it because you just keep pushing through. Yeah, So it's

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it's really it needs to be talked about more because

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we need to know that we're not alone and that

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this is happening and that we need to do something

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about it before those types of things happen.

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I've I'm just saying I'm thinking of personal trainers and

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different people that are in the physical education, you know,

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just educating people about about physical about exercise. They a

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lot of times say, if you don't make time for

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like in particular exercise, then eventually you're going to have

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to because your health will deteriorate to the point where

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you then are nursing. Who knows what, but I'm I'm

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just wondering if you think that selflessness, you know, if

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you consider yourself being selfless, if that can be a

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form of self neglect, what do you think it is?

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It is absolutely a form of self neglect.

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And I think that it's hard because you know, you

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always hear the whole you know, put your oxygen mask

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on first. People repeat that as from the airplane, but

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people repeat it all the time. But the thing is

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that when you're in the thick of it, like you

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don't know where your oxygen mask is, you know. Because

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I didn't know what to do, I didn't know how

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to take time for myself because anytime I would take

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time for myself, I would feel guilty because there are

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all these other things that I needed to be doing.

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I had so much responsibility, and so for me to

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take time for myself, there was just so much emotion

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around that that I couldn't even relax when I tried

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because of all the other things.

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That were going on in my head.

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Yeah, well you make me think of my effort. You Now,

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I grew up in a wonderful family, but the women

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in my family were typically you know, they were basically

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serving and giving all the time. And I'm wondering what

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role you would say, culture or upbringing play in Maybe

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is it possible that we feel obligated to overgive?

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Absolutely, it's definitely part of how we grew up, how

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our society is that just the norms, you know, what

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we've been taught, and the norms and just everything.

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It's part of.

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That.

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But it's also part of our nature because as women

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were nurturers, you know, so it's part of who we are.

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But we're nurturers, but we're also trying to do all

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these other things and we forget to nurture ourselves.

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There's another thing I'm thinking of is have you ever

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you know, I'm just wondering if you have any stories

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or anything around I was wondering if when helping somebody

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is actually enabling them. I'm just thinking of I've recognized

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that a few times when it's like it's not really

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doing them any good. So what would you say about

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helping somebody actually you know, be in a form of

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enabling them so that they're not taking care of themselves.

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Where's that line?

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Where's the line that is?

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I'm I know that very well, and I'm still not

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clear on where that line is.

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It's a great fuzzy area, right, because it's also.

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Going to depend on the person and the situation as

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to where that line really is. So it sounds like

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it's easy, right stop enabling. You can you can see

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when you're doing too much for someone and it's just

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letting them perpetuate the situation that they're in because you're

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taking care of things, right. But then there's also times

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when that person really needs your support and they're trying

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really hard. But it's hard sometimes to define or to

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really know where where that where are the differences like

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when you're just enabling and when you're supporting.

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So I think that.

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Again you have to take a step back out and

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get yourself like out of the situation. There's another reason

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why stepping out and giving yourself that self care, taking

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time to step away and clear your mind can help

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you look at it, hopefully from a different perspective than

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just being always in the thick of it so that

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you can see am I enabling or am I supporting?

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And you know I'm guilty of both.

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Right, Well, I'm actually I'm not going to go into

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the story, but I'm thinking of two sisters in my

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neighborhood who are taking care of their father as well

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as an antie. They're both in The antie's husband has died,

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but these two sisters are taking care of both, and

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the antie is actually terrible. They have to uncut all

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kinds of stuff around finances that she just has not

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taken care of. And so they actually called me one

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day because they were so overwhelmed that they were like frozen.

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So I came in and I looked at the big

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situation and just sat down with them and just listened

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and was going, Okay, so why don't you do this

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and do this and do this and try and so

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they were very grateful just for a little bit of

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support and someone on the outside to talk to. But

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what I'm and because that is a situation that there

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was a financial situation there that was just a train wreck,

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like taxes not having been paid and all kinds of things.

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But what would you say about in what ways does

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putting yourself last show up in your bank account? I'm

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you know, I'm sure sometimes if things aren't being paid,

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it can turn into a real problem, real fast.

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Yeah, And that's not usually the conversation I have around

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of putting yourself last as far as that goes.

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But I think that.

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That having the things not being paid and not having

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those not having taxes filed and bills paid is actually

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more common than people realize of people that are that

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are getting older, right, So that this is another reason

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why it's important to have somebody that you that you trust,

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that's a family member that can handle finances for you

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and getting those powers of attorney and things that we

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talk about in financial and estate planning together, because it's

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really hard when you're older and you're starting to lose

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some capacity to give up things, because give up power,

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because you already know that you're when you're at that

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transition point, you already know that you're kind of losing it,

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and you feel like if you're giving it away, then you're.

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Losing it all.

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But if you can give someone that power before you

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start to lose capacity, it's actually easier to give that power,

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not that they're going to do it right then, but

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give them the ability to have the power later when

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it's needed to take that on. It can be really

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helpful because the thing that most people don't realize is

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when a person starts to lose their capacity, their memory, Alzheimer's, dementia,

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whatever you want to call it, they don't necessarily know

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that they are. They think that they are much more

228
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capable than they are and much more present than they are,

229
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and you.

230
00:13:35.480 --> 00:13:38.360
Can't tell them that they're not right.

231
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One of the I've got a couple of professional designations,

232
00:13:42.320 --> 00:13:47.559
and one of them was a whole section on as

233
00:13:47.559 --> 00:13:51.919
we get older and and seniors losing control and so

234
00:13:52.159 --> 00:13:54.240
you're making me think of this whole thing that I

235
00:13:54.320 --> 00:13:57.879
went through in this training. But it's really true because

236
00:13:57.879 --> 00:14:00.919
I've seen it in my own family. As people get older,

237
00:14:01.879 --> 00:14:04.720
they there's less and less control, like what if the

238
00:14:04.759 --> 00:14:09.399
car keys are taken away? And then you know, and

239
00:14:09.519 --> 00:14:12.639
I actually had to tell a client not too long ago,

240
00:14:13.159 --> 00:14:15.080
you need to get your kids involved in helping you

241
00:14:15.159 --> 00:14:21.120
with your finances because he was forgetting things. So what

242
00:14:21.200 --> 00:14:24.000
do you know? Why don't you tell me? Tell me

243
00:14:24.039 --> 00:14:26.320
that story? You were saying you had another story I

244
00:14:26.320 --> 00:14:28.320
think was with your husband.

245
00:14:28.879 --> 00:14:31.200
Yeah, it's it's about how I discovered that I was

246
00:14:31.200 --> 00:14:35.000
putting myself least financially and this has this has more

247
00:14:35.039 --> 00:14:39.799
to do with money personalities. But I so I am

248
00:14:39.840 --> 00:14:43.679
in the financial business, so I handle our household finances.

249
00:14:44.320 --> 00:14:45.960
And we're a blended marriage.

250
00:14:46.000 --> 00:14:49.279
We got married older in life and and so we

251
00:14:49.320 --> 00:14:51.759
don't really you know, control each other.

252
00:14:51.799 --> 00:14:54.039
We have we have mixed stuff, but it's we don't

253
00:14:54.159 --> 00:14:55.039
kind of do our own thing.

254
00:14:55.799 --> 00:15:03.000
So I really realized that my husband was spending more

255
00:15:03.000 --> 00:15:05.759
money than he realized he was spending right, And I

256
00:15:05.799 --> 00:15:08.120
was like, you know, you know, you go on this trip,

257
00:15:08.120 --> 00:15:09.799
you go on that trip, you do this, you do that,

258
00:15:10.200 --> 00:15:12.000
and like he's like, it's not that much. You know,

259
00:15:12.120 --> 00:15:14.440
I get a cabin with the guys and like it's

260
00:15:14.559 --> 00:15:17.120
you know, we split it and it's you know, and

261
00:15:17.159 --> 00:15:19.039
I'm like, yeah, you're you've got to pay for your

262
00:15:19.039 --> 00:15:21.399
boat and your boat insurance and your gas and your

263
00:15:21.519 --> 00:15:25.039
fishing stuff, and like it's fun. So I said, I'm

264
00:15:25.080 --> 00:15:26.919
giving you a budget, Like I'm just putting you on

265
00:15:26.960 --> 00:15:29.559
a budget, and you get this much money. Each paycheck

266
00:15:29.759 --> 00:15:31.879
is yours and you get to spend it however you

267
00:15:31.879 --> 00:15:35.360
want and you need this, but you have to save

268
00:15:35.399 --> 00:15:37.159
it because you need to pay for the trip later.

269
00:15:37.360 --> 00:15:39.159
So you have to like live within your means within

270
00:15:39.200 --> 00:15:43.559
this budget. Simple, absolutely super simple budgeting, like just this

271
00:15:43.600 --> 00:15:45.360
one little piece of it. I'm not even you know,

272
00:15:45.600 --> 00:15:48.000
talking about their wizards, just one little piece. And the

273
00:15:48.039 --> 00:15:50.120
whole point of it was not to restrict him, but

274
00:15:50.159 --> 00:15:52.200
it was to make him see how much money he

275
00:15:52.240 --> 00:15:56.559
was actually spading, right. So we did this for a

276
00:15:56.559 --> 00:15:58.000
couple of months and I came back to him and

277
00:15:58.000 --> 00:16:00.720
I said, oh, I forgot I forgot this. He asked me,

278
00:16:00.960 --> 00:16:02.799
are you gonna put yourself on a budget too, And

279
00:16:02.799 --> 00:16:05.000
I said, sure, I'll give myself the same exact budget,

280
00:16:05.039 --> 00:16:07.919
same household, same lifestyle, whatever, same thing, So I'll do

281
00:16:07.960 --> 00:16:08.399
the same thing.

282
00:16:08.440 --> 00:16:10.440
He's like, okay. So I came back to him a

283
00:16:10.480 --> 00:16:12.799
couple of months later. I was like, how's it going?

284
00:16:13.240 --> 00:16:15.679
And he said it's fine. And I'm like fine, what

285
00:16:15.720 --> 00:16:18.639
do you mean by fine? And he's like, well, he's

286
00:16:18.679 --> 00:16:21.399
like it's it's okay. And I go, well, do you

287
00:16:21.399 --> 00:16:23.720
feel restricted? Do you feel like it's not enough money?

288
00:16:23.759 --> 00:16:26.360
How do you feel He's like, oh, he's like I

289
00:16:26.360 --> 00:16:26.919
feel fine.

290
00:16:27.519 --> 00:16:30.080
And he's like, I'm just I'm making better decisions.

291
00:16:30.559 --> 00:16:34.159
I'm like, oh, tell me more, and he said, well, like,

292
00:16:34.200 --> 00:16:36.840
for instance, I saw this golf shirt that I wanted,

293
00:16:37.519 --> 00:16:39.720
and normally I would just buy the golf shirt, but

294
00:16:39.720 --> 00:16:41.759
he has a whole closet full of golf shirts, and.

295
00:16:41.679 --> 00:16:42.720
He's like, but I thought about it.

296
00:16:42.759 --> 00:16:44.919
And I was like, mm, if I buy this golf shirt,

297
00:16:44.960 --> 00:16:47.759
I won't have this money to put towards my golf trump.

298
00:16:47.879 --> 00:16:49.759
So I'm not going to buy the shirt. I'm just

299
00:16:49.799 --> 00:16:53.159
going to save it for the Trump. And I said, well, do.

300
00:16:53.120 --> 00:16:54.879
You feel bad that you didn't get to buy the shirt?

301
00:16:55.000 --> 00:16:56.960
He's like, no, I don't need the shirt. I mean,

302
00:16:57.159 --> 00:16:58.600
but you would have bought it if it didn't if

303
00:16:58.639 --> 00:17:01.240
you didn't have this, and he said yeah, I would

304
00:17:01.279 --> 00:17:02.519
have totally about it and I would have gone on

305
00:17:02.559 --> 00:17:05.160
the trip too. But now so he's making better choices.

306
00:17:05.160 --> 00:17:06.720
He doesn't care that he is and have the shirt.

307
00:17:08.119 --> 00:17:09.839
And so I was like, that's great. This, this worths

308
00:17:09.920 --> 00:17:12.920
even better pole because my whole idea was just to

309
00:17:12.920 --> 00:17:14.559
make him see like you're actually.

310
00:17:14.240 --> 00:17:15.319
Spending a lot of money.

311
00:17:15.880 --> 00:17:20.680
So then the flip side of it was that I

312
00:17:20.960 --> 00:17:23.559
every time I would spend money and myself would feel guilty.

313
00:17:24.160 --> 00:17:26.240
I would just be like, oh gosh, I shouldn't buy that,

314
00:17:26.319 --> 00:17:27.680
because you know, I'm.

315
00:17:27.480 --> 00:17:28.519
The planner, I'm the saver.

316
00:17:28.680 --> 00:17:30.960
I'm the one who's like, this should go you know,

317
00:17:31.000 --> 00:17:33.400
this should replenish my emergency fund that we spent on

318
00:17:33.480 --> 00:17:35.319
the windows for the house, or this should replen it,

319
00:17:35.359 --> 00:17:37.319
this should go into my retirement fund, Like I should

320
00:17:37.480 --> 00:17:37.960
be spending this.

321
00:17:38.599 --> 00:17:40.440
You know, I can't afford to go on a girl's trip.

322
00:17:40.440 --> 00:17:42.400
All these things I was telling myself, but you know

323
00:17:42.519 --> 00:17:44.440
I was the only one telling me that.

324
00:17:45.480 --> 00:17:46.440
So now I have the.

325
00:17:46.519 --> 00:17:50.519
Same money and I'm using like these little packets of

326
00:17:50.599 --> 00:17:53.119
these samples of this stuff I got for face cream

327
00:17:53.160 --> 00:17:56.519
from facials that I picked up from this this little storm,

328
00:17:57.039 --> 00:17:59.160
and I'm using I'm like, God, this stuff is fantastic.

329
00:17:59.240 --> 00:18:00.839
And I'm like, I would I ever spend this much

330
00:18:00.880 --> 00:18:04.039
money on myself. And then I'm like, wait a minute,

331
00:18:04.839 --> 00:18:07.079
I have the money. I have it set aside. It's

332
00:18:07.119 --> 00:18:09.519
my money, it's my me money, and this is where

333
00:18:09.519 --> 00:18:10.400
any money came from.

334
00:18:10.680 --> 00:18:11.440
I can want this.

335
00:18:12.319 --> 00:18:13.519
Yeah, And so I bought it.

336
00:18:13.599 --> 00:18:15.519
I bought the whole thing. I bought like the day

337
00:18:15.559 --> 00:18:18.119
and the night and I spent like what. I was like,

338
00:18:18.160 --> 00:18:19.680
this is a ton of money, but it was my

339
00:18:19.799 --> 00:18:22.119
money was already set aside for me and I didn't

340
00:18:22.160 --> 00:18:25.480
have to answer to myself and have to answer to

341
00:18:25.519 --> 00:18:26.960
myself because it was already there.

342
00:18:27.839 --> 00:18:30.799
And it was like mind blowing for me too.

343
00:18:30.920 --> 00:18:34.759
So once I realized this, and I thought about all

344
00:18:34.839 --> 00:18:36.640
the financial plans that I had done, all the people

345
00:18:36.640 --> 00:18:37.839
that I had talked to, where you come in, you

346
00:18:37.880 --> 00:18:39.640
talk about cash flow, this is what's coming in, this

347
00:18:39.680 --> 00:18:40.319
is what's going.

348
00:18:40.119 --> 00:18:41.200
Out, this is what we do for this.

349
00:18:41.279 --> 00:18:43.720
You might put going out to eat, you might put

350
00:18:43.920 --> 00:18:46.240
you know, vacations on there, but there's never a line

351
00:18:46.240 --> 00:18:48.559
at them that says this is my money, my me,

352
00:18:48.680 --> 00:18:51.559
money that I could spend on me. It's never on there.

353
00:18:52.319 --> 00:18:54.279
And I was like, this is mind blowing. So I

354
00:18:54.359 --> 00:18:57.920
started implementing me telling other people about it, and I

355
00:18:57.960 --> 00:19:00.440
found that it works with almost any money, with all

356
00:19:00.480 --> 00:19:04.000
the money personalities. Almost every percent is like wow, this

357
00:19:04.160 --> 00:19:06.160
is just really giving me a framework around what I

358
00:19:06.200 --> 00:19:09.200
spend on myself. So for me, it allowed me to

359
00:19:09.200 --> 00:19:12.480
put myself first and as a line item on my

360
00:19:12.519 --> 00:19:15.000
budget and say I am allowed to spend money on myself.

361
00:19:15.480 --> 00:19:18.680
Right, Yeah, Well.

362
00:19:20.079 --> 00:19:24.359
What would you say about So if somebody is constantly giving,

363
00:19:24.720 --> 00:19:28.839
how does that show up affecting a long term goal

364
00:19:29.000 --> 00:19:35.759
like retirement? Yeah, I was just you know, the retirement, well,

365
00:19:36.039 --> 00:19:41.960
the emergency fund. Like that's what I've seen so many

366
00:19:42.039 --> 00:19:45.519
times where somebody's taking money out of retirement because of

367
00:19:45.559 --> 00:19:47.720
this that, and I'm going, no, no, no, find another

368
00:19:47.759 --> 00:19:50.160
way or put it off or whatever. Don't don't take

369
00:19:50.160 --> 00:19:54.680
your don't don't put your retirement money at risk. How

370
00:19:54.720 --> 00:19:56.200
do you think it shows up for retirement?

371
00:19:57.119 --> 00:19:58.920
It definitely shows up. Let me tell you a story

372
00:19:58.920 --> 00:20:00.400
about somebody that I know.

373
00:20:01.759 --> 00:20:05.319
This person that I know had a decent job and lived,

374
00:20:05.839 --> 00:20:09.720
you know, middle class, you know, nice you know, decent

375
00:20:09.839 --> 00:20:14.680
summer home and had this nice job and was doing well,

376
00:20:15.640 --> 00:20:20.079
and had this sister that also had a nice job,

377
00:20:20.200 --> 00:20:23.359
but had a lesser home and maybe her husband didn't work,

378
00:20:23.880 --> 00:20:28.480
and so they always lived very poor and they just

379
00:20:28.519 --> 00:20:30.319
made different decisions with their life.

380
00:20:30.400 --> 00:20:30.680
Right.

381
00:20:30.799 --> 00:20:36.079
So this this person, let's just say his name is Bob.

382
00:20:36.440 --> 00:20:38.000
So I'm just pulling a name out of the ear.

383
00:20:38.400 --> 00:20:41.519
So the person is Bob, and Bob is going to

384
00:20:41.599 --> 00:20:48.359
visit his mother out of state, and his sister wants

385
00:20:48.400 --> 00:20:51.559
to go, So Bob is buying his sister tickets to

386
00:20:51.640 --> 00:20:54.920
go visit the mother because they lived, they're poor and whatever.

387
00:20:56.319 --> 00:20:58.599
The truth behind this, behind.

388
00:20:58.279 --> 00:21:01.119
The scenes, is that Bob is not putting money into

389
00:21:01.200 --> 00:21:06.720
his into his retirement funds. He's spending his money well

390
00:21:06.759 --> 00:21:10.759
as the system is putting money into her retirement fund

391
00:21:10.799 --> 00:21:13.480
this whole time, which is why they're living poor, because

392
00:21:13.880 --> 00:21:18.599
she's putting the money in there. So guess what happens, Bob,

393
00:21:18.640 --> 00:21:21.680
who's been giving money out, giving his money to his

394
00:21:21.759 --> 00:21:25.119
sister to help her all these years when it comes

395
00:21:25.200 --> 00:21:27.599
to retirement time. Guess who gets to retire first.

396
00:21:28.039 --> 00:21:35.279
Yeah, that is so easy to have happen. Oh my gosh, Yeah, yeah,

397
00:21:35.319 --> 00:21:40.839
you're right, Well what do you Yeah, I'm just hoping

398
00:21:40.880 --> 00:21:43.000
that some of these things are going to help people

399
00:21:44.319 --> 00:21:51.440
recognize maybe some of these conversations in themselves. And how

400
00:21:51.480 --> 00:21:55.680
do you think Gyelter fear keep people from setting healthy boundaries?

401
00:21:55.759 --> 00:21:58.799
I mean, would would that be a case of setting boundaries?

402
00:21:58.839 --> 00:22:02.559
I mean I would say he's not setting boundaries for himself, right,

403
00:22:02.920 --> 00:22:07.839
He's not putting saving for retirement retirement high enough on

404
00:22:07.960 --> 00:22:09.160
his own list.

405
00:22:10.119 --> 00:22:13.200
Yeah, he's not he's not taking care of himself, but

406
00:22:13.359 --> 00:22:16.400
he's also he's not spending the money on himself, He's

407
00:22:16.400 --> 00:22:18.839
spending it on someone else. He's being very generous in

408
00:22:19.200 --> 00:22:22.640
giving and helping out someone that he feels like needs support,

409
00:22:23.279 --> 00:22:26.440
you know, and maybe he is enabling We talked about

410
00:22:26.480 --> 00:22:28.720
that before, because they're living this lifestyle, because that's the

411
00:22:28.720 --> 00:22:32.079
lifestyle that they're choosing. You know, it's not it's not

412
00:22:32.200 --> 00:22:36.680
that they can't do more. They're choosing that lifestyle. But

413
00:22:37.559 --> 00:22:40.559
there's a lot of things in there. There's boundaries, there's

414
00:22:40.720 --> 00:22:41.920
you know, there's all that.

415
00:22:43.960 --> 00:22:47.039
Well, what are some other examples that you can think of,

416
00:22:47.799 --> 00:22:51.880
like missed opportunities that people face when they don't invest

417
00:22:51.920 --> 00:22:55.400
in themselves and retirement, you know, saving for the future.

418
00:22:56.880 --> 00:23:00.000
That's part of investing in yourself.

419
00:23:00.160 --> 00:23:03.640
Right, absolutely, So when I when I talk about me

420
00:23:03.720 --> 00:23:05.680
money and putting yourself on as a line on on

421
00:23:05.759 --> 00:23:09.160
your budget and paying yourself first, kind of like it's

422
00:23:09.240 --> 00:23:09.799
kind of like the.

423
00:23:09.759 --> 00:23:12.000
Same things with that personal finances.

424
00:23:12.640 --> 00:23:16.799
So it's it's it's allowing yourself to enjoy money. Now,

425
00:23:16.920 --> 00:23:19.200
if you're a person that's a saver and always wants

426
00:23:19.200 --> 00:23:20.279
to save it for later.

427
00:23:20.480 --> 00:23:21.559
But if you're a spender.

428
00:23:21.799 --> 00:23:24.440
It's allowing you to put a container around it to

429
00:23:24.480 --> 00:23:28.039
say like I'm allowed to spend this, but I need

430
00:23:28.079 --> 00:23:28.519
to make.

431
00:23:28.440 --> 00:23:31.880
My choices like is my money worthy of this purchase.

432
00:23:32.039 --> 00:23:34.839
So that it allows you to have freedom within a

433
00:23:34.839 --> 00:23:37.640
certain amount and just make those better choices so that

434
00:23:37.720 --> 00:23:40.839
you can be sure that you're putting away for you know,

435
00:23:40.960 --> 00:23:43.319
retirement and saving money elsewhere, so that you'll need to

436
00:23:43.359 --> 00:23:45.079
spending everything. Right.

437
00:23:45.559 --> 00:23:49.279
Have you ever seen when someone does burn out? Have

438
00:23:49.319 --> 00:23:54.880
you ever seen that result in like a career setback? Oh?

439
00:23:54.920 --> 00:23:57.759
Absolutely, yeah, yeah, absolutely.

440
00:23:57.799 --> 00:24:03.799
I mean it's it's well, it's all about finding that

441
00:24:03.839 --> 00:24:06.240
we can We talk about work life balance all the time,

442
00:24:06.440 --> 00:24:10.599
but really there's no balance. I mean, and it's what

443
00:24:10.680 --> 00:24:13.519
you what you focus on is what you get, right.

444
00:24:13.960 --> 00:24:17.279
It's just you know, you talk about there's those videos

445
00:24:17.319 --> 00:24:19.720
where you watch where like you say, focus on how

446
00:24:19.759 --> 00:24:22.000
many things are read, and then like a gorilla walks

447
00:24:22.039 --> 00:24:24.079
through the screen, you know what I'm talking about, and

448
00:24:24.119 --> 00:24:26.079
then exactly how it goes.

449
00:24:26.119 --> 00:24:28.920
But then you're like, you know, how many things were read.

450
00:24:28.839 --> 00:24:31.519
How many white people, how many white shirts, how many

451
00:24:31.519 --> 00:24:34.119
black shirts? And then the gorilla walks.

452
00:24:33.880 --> 00:24:36.759
Through exactly whatever and people don't see the gorilla, right,

453
00:24:37.440 --> 00:24:40.519
So if you're if you're not looking for it and

454
00:24:40.640 --> 00:24:42.960
you don't see it, your your brain.

455
00:24:42.759 --> 00:24:44.680
Is going to pay attention to what you're paying attention to.

456
00:24:44.880 --> 00:24:47.200
So you have to make yourself pay attention to these

457
00:24:47.240 --> 00:24:52.279
things and make yourself find time for yourself and for

458
00:24:52.359 --> 00:24:56.160
self care and all of those things.

459
00:24:56.880 --> 00:24:59.759
Well, you would hope that people, like from this conversation

460
00:24:59.839 --> 00:25:03.720
to I'm hoping that people might see warning signs that

461
00:25:03.720 --> 00:25:08.359
they're headed that way because I know, you know, like

462
00:25:08.440 --> 00:25:11.160
I went through a terrible divorce about twenty five years

463
00:25:11.200 --> 00:25:14.079
ago and then I've been married for the second time

464
00:25:14.160 --> 00:25:21.559
now for fifteen years, but I know that depleted emotional reserves.

465
00:25:21.640 --> 00:25:23.799
I mean, there was there was a whole lot of

466
00:25:23.839 --> 00:25:28.200
emotions around that divorce. So do you have any examples

467
00:25:28.240 --> 00:25:33.680
of when you're on the way down with emotions impacting

468
00:25:33.680 --> 00:25:38.000
your relationships? Do you have any ideas or stories around

469
00:25:39.079 --> 00:25:44.880
when what you know, Like I sometimes I wonder wonder

470
00:25:45.000 --> 00:25:48.480
what would have happened if I would have realized some things?

471
00:25:48.599 --> 00:25:51.119
You know, what do you think? Do you think that

472
00:25:51.200 --> 00:25:55.599
there's some ways that you can stop this in its tracks?

473
00:25:58.519 --> 00:26:01.599
How can you make sure how you know, you know,

474
00:26:01.640 --> 00:26:02.079
it's like.

475
00:26:02.160 --> 00:26:07.200
Oh, I am far from the expert on this, but

476
00:26:07.279 --> 00:26:09.680
I have to say that you have to keep an

477
00:26:09.759 --> 00:26:13.920
open mind to yourself and really just look internally because

478
00:26:13.960 --> 00:26:16.599
it's all going to come from inside, and you have

479
00:26:16.680 --> 00:26:21.359
to really think about how you're thinking, how you're feeling,

480
00:26:21.759 --> 00:26:29.240
why you're feeling it, and and sometimes you know, you

481
00:26:29.319 --> 00:26:31.319
need a coach or a therapist or somebody to help

482
00:26:31.359 --> 00:26:34.359
you work through that to figure that out, because sometimes

483
00:26:34.359 --> 00:26:35.319
you can't do it on your own.

484
00:26:35.319 --> 00:26:37.279
You need someone to talk to you about it.

485
00:26:37.440 --> 00:26:40.960
Like I talk about money stories and money mindset and

486
00:26:41.000 --> 00:26:43.519
all that stuff all the time. And just a couple

487
00:26:43.559 --> 00:26:45.480
of months ago, I was having a conversation with someone

488
00:26:45.519 --> 00:26:47.960
and they asked me one question and I answered it,

489
00:26:48.000 --> 00:26:51.880
and I was like light bulb because I was like,

490
00:26:51.920 --> 00:26:54.519
oh my god, that just explains something to me about

491
00:26:54.559 --> 00:26:57.319
something in my life that I hadn't even thought about yet.

492
00:26:57.440 --> 00:27:00.559
But because I'm so used to now thinking about things

493
00:27:00.599 --> 00:27:01.319
like that, as soon.

494
00:27:01.160 --> 00:27:02.960
As those words came out of my mouth, I was.

495
00:27:03.000 --> 00:27:05.799
I connected the dots and I was like, that's why

496
00:27:05.839 --> 00:27:09.559
I'm doing that, and that's why because I'm telling him

497
00:27:09.559 --> 00:27:11.440
a story about something that happened in my childhood and

498
00:27:11.480 --> 00:27:13.680
I was like, Okay, that's exactly why I'm doing what

499
00:27:13.720 --> 00:27:17.279
I'm doing. It's just you really have to just get

500
00:27:17.319 --> 00:27:20.880
inside your own head and start understanding what makes you tick.

501
00:27:21.119 --> 00:27:23.519
And most people don't do that, right.

502
00:27:24.200 --> 00:27:28.920
I think for me, it's taken a lifetime of trial

503
00:27:28.920 --> 00:27:31.880
and error, going to programs, just doing all kinds of

504
00:27:31.880 --> 00:27:35.559
different things. I remember right after my divorce and having

505
00:27:35.599 --> 00:27:38.759
to restart myself financially and all that, going to a

506
00:27:38.759 --> 00:27:42.240
therapist and all I wanted to do was throw the

507
00:27:42.279 --> 00:27:44.519
garbage can at him because he was like, well, how

508
00:27:44.559 --> 00:27:50.599
do you feel? And I'm like, I feel like I'm angry. Yeah,

509
00:27:50.640 --> 00:27:55.279
so yeah, you know, so let's talk. Let's talk a

510
00:27:55.319 --> 00:27:58.559
little bit about how you can take back your power.

511
00:27:59.000 --> 00:28:01.680
I wanted. The first thing I'm thinking of is what's

512
00:28:01.720 --> 00:28:08.279
some difference between generosity that's healthy and generosity that's harmful

513
00:28:08.720 --> 00:28:09.119
to you?

514
00:28:12.000 --> 00:28:16.200
Wow, that's really you are asking good questions.

515
00:28:18.079 --> 00:28:19.400
I don't think that again.

516
00:28:19.559 --> 00:28:22.079
Like, I hate to say this, but there's not ever

517
00:28:22.559 --> 00:28:25.920
a one good answer for everybody, but I feel like,

518
00:28:26.680 --> 00:28:29.079
as long as you are aware of your finances, I mean,

519
00:28:29.160 --> 00:28:30.960
you know this, you work in finance, Like, as long

520
00:28:31.000 --> 00:28:33.319
as you know where everything is going, and that you're

521
00:28:33.559 --> 00:28:35.960
that you're you have all the right things, and you

522
00:28:36.160 --> 00:28:40.920
have a strategy for your giving, whether it's to your system,

523
00:28:41.119 --> 00:28:41.880
whether it's to.

524
00:28:42.160 --> 00:28:45.039
Whatever charity you want, or whatever it's for.

525
00:28:45.279 --> 00:28:48.319
As long as you have a strategy and something behind

526
00:28:48.359 --> 00:28:51.839
it so that you understand where it fits.

527
00:28:51.480 --> 00:28:54.079
Into your overall picture, that's what's important.

528
00:28:54.640 --> 00:28:58.680
Mm hmm. What do you think are some so if

529
00:28:58.680 --> 00:29:01.480
somebody says, oh, I need to make some changes, what

530
00:29:01.519 --> 00:29:05.759
would you say are some practical ways to set boundaries

531
00:29:05.799 --> 00:29:13.240
for yourself without feeling selfish? Well?

532
00:29:13.440 --> 00:29:16.599
I think the biggest thing is take it in small chunks.

533
00:29:16.920 --> 00:29:22.000
Right, So, I know I have like at this all

534
00:29:22.079 --> 00:29:24.559
or nothing personality, and I'm like I'm either doing it

535
00:29:24.680 --> 00:29:27.039
or I'm not doing it, and I need to stop that.

536
00:29:27.039 --> 00:29:30.440
I need to actively stop that and say like, Okay,

537
00:29:30.480 --> 00:29:33.000
I'm just going to do this one piece, you know

538
00:29:33.039 --> 00:29:33.480
what I mean.

539
00:29:34.039 --> 00:29:36.160
Like, for instance, I'm usually one of those people who's like.

540
00:29:36.200 --> 00:29:38.440
Either I'm going to the gym regularly or I'm just

541
00:29:38.599 --> 00:29:41.480
not doing any exercise at all because I feel like, oh,

542
00:29:41.519 --> 00:29:43.880
a fifteen minute walk, what's that going to do? But

543
00:29:43.960 --> 00:29:46.480
you know what if I take a fifteen minute walk

544
00:29:46.759 --> 00:29:47.920
every couple of days.

545
00:29:48.039 --> 00:29:49.640
It all adds up, right, Every.

546
00:29:49.400 --> 00:29:53.079
Little bit count Yeah, absolutely, so just remember every little

547
00:29:53.079 --> 00:29:56.200
bit counts. Take it in small chunks, work towards what

548
00:29:56.240 --> 00:29:57.880
it is that you feel like you need to do.

549
00:29:57.880 --> 00:30:01.039
Don't feel like you have to just transform overnight. It's

550
00:30:01.119 --> 00:30:03.039
everything's a process.

551
00:30:03.079 --> 00:30:06.720
Well don't you think it's also around how you frame it?

552
00:30:07.000 --> 00:30:10.079
You know, like how can you reframe self care so

553
00:30:10.160 --> 00:30:13.000
it feels like a necessity and not a luxury?

554
00:30:14.839 --> 00:30:18.960
Yeah, well, and that's part of the financially the met

555
00:30:19.000 --> 00:30:21.559
money method, Like it's it's part of the process. Like

556
00:30:21.599 --> 00:30:23.559
you just set up the process and it's just there

557
00:30:24.000 --> 00:30:24.960
and then it is self care.

558
00:30:25.000 --> 00:30:27.039
It's not a luxury, it's just a thing that you have.

559
00:30:27.640 --> 00:30:30.319
I think that by creating that structure, I mean, it's

560
00:30:30.400 --> 00:30:32.920
kind of like just the habit thing, right, you know,

561
00:30:33.000 --> 00:30:35.920
we have all the all the books about like the

562
00:30:35.960 --> 00:30:38.839
good habits, these tiny things that you do every day.

563
00:30:39.960 --> 00:30:43.039
It's that same sort of thing where if you just start,

564
00:30:43.279 --> 00:30:46.640
you just have to start at whatever peace you want

565
00:30:46.640 --> 00:30:47.160
to start with.

566
00:30:49.079 --> 00:30:52.880
So how so if you say okay, I'm going to

567
00:30:52.960 --> 00:30:56.640
say no. Sometimes say no is hard, but it's what

568
00:30:56.720 --> 00:30:59.799
you really need to do. How can say no actually

569
00:31:00.000 --> 00:31:04.160
strengthen a relationship then instead of harming you know sometimes

570
00:31:05.079 --> 00:31:09.759
you know, like with your spouse, I think you make

571
00:31:09.839 --> 00:31:15.000
choices right and so have you ever had times when

572
00:31:15.000 --> 00:31:17.599
you've said no and you've found that saying no to

573
00:31:17.680 --> 00:31:19.720
something actually strengthen your relationship?

574
00:31:21.440 --> 00:31:22.039
Absolutely?

575
00:31:22.279 --> 00:31:25.039
I think the biggest, the hardest part about saying no

576
00:31:25.599 --> 00:31:29.400
is not the saying no and the other person, it's

577
00:31:29.400 --> 00:31:30.960
how you feel about yourself when you say no.

578
00:31:31.839 --> 00:31:35.480
I mean, think about it. When you say no to someone.

579
00:31:35.680 --> 00:31:38.440
Is it really that they're that upset or that you

580
00:31:38.519 --> 00:31:42.640
just feel really guilty? Yeah?

581
00:31:43.039 --> 00:31:47.200
Sometimes I think, yeah you might. I mean what I'm

582
00:31:47.240 --> 00:31:49.799
thinking of is fomo, you know, I fear of missing out.

583
00:31:51.480 --> 00:31:53.680
I have found that and so a lot of times

584
00:31:53.759 --> 00:31:55.960
I have to just step back and say what's really

585
00:31:56.039 --> 00:31:56.759
important here?

586
00:31:58.200 --> 00:31:58.480
Yeah?

587
00:31:58.519 --> 00:32:03.119
So do you think there's a way to track and

588
00:32:03.279 --> 00:32:07.240
measure the personal cost of overgiving?

589
00:32:10.519 --> 00:32:12.519
I think the only way that you can track and

590
00:32:12.519 --> 00:32:17.880
measure that is by your own feelings, your own I

591
00:32:17.880 --> 00:32:19.680
don't think there's another way.

592
00:32:20.359 --> 00:32:23.720
Yeah, I mean, it's going to be you know, and

593
00:32:23.759 --> 00:32:25.559
it's going to be different for every single person.

594
00:32:25.599 --> 00:32:28.839
I keep saying that, but it is right, because you're

595
00:32:29.279 --> 00:32:32.319
if you're talking about this joy in giving, like, there

596
00:32:32.400 --> 00:32:38.200
absolutely is a joy in giving, but there's also guilt

597
00:32:38.400 --> 00:32:43.480
when you don't, and sometimes there's guilt when you do

598
00:32:44.279 --> 00:32:47.319
because you sometimes you know, sometimes you're giving and you

599
00:32:47.480 --> 00:32:49.160
know that you're hurting yourself by doing it.

600
00:32:49.759 --> 00:32:51.960
M And so.

601
00:32:52.119 --> 00:32:54.680
I want to ask you. You know, in my intro

602
00:32:54.720 --> 00:32:58.279
of you, you you mentioned there was a little piece

603
00:32:58.279 --> 00:33:02.960
about being a teen mom and then completely rebuilding yourself

604
00:33:02.960 --> 00:33:10.160
into a successful, successful grown woman. Here where no. So

605
00:33:10.319 --> 00:33:12.240
I'm going to give you a little story about myself.

606
00:33:12.279 --> 00:33:16.079
So that divorced twenty five years ago, I characterized myself

607
00:33:16.119 --> 00:33:18.519
as being curled up in a corner, sucking my thumb,

608
00:33:18.640 --> 00:33:23.400
just completely blown away, and I finally realized I needed

609
00:33:23.440 --> 00:33:27.079
to My three daughters were also hurting, and so I

610
00:33:27.160 --> 00:33:32.359
needed to restart myself. And so I know the day

611
00:33:32.440 --> 00:33:35.599
that I said, damn it, I'm not going to let

612
00:33:35.599 --> 00:33:39.119
this destroy me. I'm going to find a way. And

613
00:33:39.359 --> 00:33:41.880
that was the point where I started rebuilding my life

614
00:33:41.960 --> 00:33:45.880
and I had, you know, completely redo my finances and everything.

615
00:33:47.799 --> 00:33:52.200
So do you tell me a little bit about that process.

616
00:33:52.240 --> 00:33:54.599
I mean, if you were you were a young you

617
00:33:54.640 --> 00:33:59.240
were a teenage mom and then where, how how did

618
00:33:59.319 --> 00:34:04.720
you go through your process? What do you think when

619
00:34:04.720 --> 00:34:06.440
you step back and look at your life.

620
00:34:07.960 --> 00:34:10.039
I made a lot of bold moves in my life.

621
00:34:11.280 --> 00:34:13.679
Being a teen mom was the was one of those.

622
00:34:13.840 --> 00:34:17.800
I mean, deciding to have a child at sixteen is

623
00:34:17.840 --> 00:34:21.800
a huge bold move, and I didn't I didn't think

624
00:34:21.840 --> 00:34:24.480
of it that way then, right, because everyone looks down

625
00:34:24.519 --> 00:34:27.639
on you, and everyone you know, is like always questioning you.

626
00:34:28.119 --> 00:34:30.000
And then even as you get older, when when you

627
00:34:30.000 --> 00:34:32.000
meet people and you're like, oh, this is my daughter

628
00:34:32.079 --> 00:34:33.679
and they're they're like, how old is she?

629
00:34:33.719 --> 00:34:35.360
And then they're like doing math that you can see

630
00:34:35.360 --> 00:34:35.760
them doing.

631
00:34:36.119 --> 00:34:41.199
Yeah, how many times I saw people doing you know,

632
00:34:41.480 --> 00:34:42.119
that's crazy.

633
00:34:42.239 --> 00:34:45.880
But you know, that was a bold move and I

634
00:34:45.960 --> 00:34:47.880
look back at it now and I'm like, hell, yeah,

635
00:34:47.880 --> 00:34:49.960
that was sorry, that was a bold move, and like

636
00:34:50.920 --> 00:34:53.199
I'm like, I should be super proud of that, and

637
00:34:53.280 --> 00:34:56.199
I am. And then you know, I did get married,

638
00:34:56.239 --> 00:34:57.960
and then I had more kids, and then I was

639
00:34:58.239 --> 00:34:59.960
you know, then I was a mom.

640
00:34:59.800 --> 00:35:02.239
Try hold everything together. And then I got divorced and

641
00:35:02.239 --> 00:35:03.119
I did the same as you.

642
00:35:03.239 --> 00:35:06.159
I had to rebuild, and you know, at that time,

643
00:35:06.440 --> 00:35:08.159
I'm not in the financial services business.

644
00:35:08.199 --> 00:35:08.840
I'm talking to.

645
00:35:08.840 --> 00:35:12.079
My husband's financial guy and the CPA that he's been

646
00:35:12.079 --> 00:35:13.880
working with, and they won't talk to each other. And

647
00:35:13.920 --> 00:35:17.320
then nobody's given me any answers. Nobody cares about me

648
00:35:17.440 --> 00:35:22.239
and my piddly little money, you know this, Yeah, And

649
00:35:22.280 --> 00:35:23.719
I'm like, just you know, what do I.

650
00:35:23.719 --> 00:35:24.280
Do with this?

651
00:35:24.559 --> 00:35:26.880
Now that I have this, like this little bit, what

652
00:35:26.920 --> 00:35:28.639
do I do with it? How do I how do

653
00:35:28.719 --> 00:35:32.159
I get ahead? What do I do? And so, you know,

654
00:35:32.199 --> 00:35:34.920
that was a whole story in itself, and I don't

655
00:35:35.360 --> 00:35:37.800
I found some help, but it wasn't the help that

656
00:35:37.880 --> 00:35:41.440
I needed, and it was okay, but really it was

657
00:35:41.480 --> 00:35:43.599
just somebody selling me stuff to make money.

658
00:35:43.639 --> 00:35:46.000
And yeah, it was an investment, but I feel like

659
00:35:46.159 --> 00:35:47.599
I just didn't know who to go to. I did

660
00:35:47.760 --> 00:35:50.239
have a person to trust, and so I just figured

661
00:35:50.239 --> 00:35:50.800
things out.

662
00:35:51.519 --> 00:35:53.840
And that's that's one of the reasons why I'm so

663
00:35:53.920 --> 00:35:57.760
passionate about financial wellness and talking about finance and and

664
00:35:57.760 --> 00:36:00.880
and getting the message out that that there resources out

665
00:36:00.880 --> 00:36:04.000
there for people so that they aren't like you or me,

666
00:36:04.280 --> 00:36:07.719
you know, just because I'm sure you probably we were

667
00:36:07.880 --> 00:36:10.159
the same way, just like trying to figure it out

668
00:36:10.159 --> 00:36:10.719
on your own.

669
00:36:10.840 --> 00:36:12.360
I mean, did you well, I didn't ask me.

670
00:36:12.639 --> 00:36:15.199
I didn't twenty five years ago, I didn't have somebody

671
00:36:15.239 --> 00:36:19.559
that was like me exactly. I felt very much I

672
00:36:19.599 --> 00:36:20.719
felt very much alone.

673
00:36:21.519 --> 00:36:24.159
Yeah, absolutely, And so that's one of my goals is

674
00:36:24.159 --> 00:36:26.079
to make sure that people aren't alone and they're going

675
00:36:26.079 --> 00:36:26.760
through that stuff.

676
00:36:26.760 --> 00:36:29.519
But yeah, and I also, I mean bold moves.

677
00:36:29.559 --> 00:36:32.360
Yeah, walking away from a twenty twenty three year marriage

678
00:36:32.400 --> 00:36:35.639
after you know, I was what forty five at the time,

679
00:36:35.679 --> 00:36:37.519
so over half my life I was married by.

680
00:36:37.360 --> 00:36:39.719
That point, that was a bold move. I didn't know

681
00:36:39.719 --> 00:36:42.320
what I was doing. I had to recreate myself.

682
00:36:42.840 --> 00:36:45.519
Decided to go back to school at forty eight, you know,

683
00:36:45.679 --> 00:36:47.960
get my bachelor's degree, and then I still didn't know

684
00:36:47.960 --> 00:36:51.000
what I was going to do, you know, and things

685
00:36:51.039 --> 00:36:53.519
just came about in you know, the way they came about.

686
00:36:53.519 --> 00:36:57.079
But when I look back, like every every bold move

687
00:36:57.119 --> 00:37:00.639
that I made, and everything that every obstacle that I overcame,

688
00:37:00.679 --> 00:37:05.000
and every opportunity that I thought I lost actually was

689
00:37:05.000 --> 00:37:06.559
a sil you know, was a good thing, was a

690
00:37:06.599 --> 00:37:08.719
silver lining to help me get to where I am.

691
00:37:09.199 --> 00:37:12.559
Yes, you can look back and you can say, oh,

692
00:37:12.840 --> 00:37:15.880
that actually was yeah, you can see you can see it.

693
00:37:16.119 --> 00:37:17.440
You can see it to the hindsight.

694
00:37:17.559 --> 00:37:19.679
Yeah, Like, there was this job that I wanted, I

695
00:37:19.719 --> 00:37:21.400
wanted so bad, and I was like one of the

696
00:37:21.440 --> 00:37:23.320
top two and they were making me do like all

697
00:37:23.360 --> 00:37:26.800
these different interviews and I had to do a presentation.

698
00:37:26.960 --> 00:37:28.519
It was like between me and this one other person,

699
00:37:28.559 --> 00:37:31.719
I was much more qualified than this other person, and

700
00:37:31.760 --> 00:37:34.239
the other person got the job, and I was like devastated.

701
00:37:34.400 --> 00:37:36.800
But that was right before I got into the career

702
00:37:36.800 --> 00:37:38.760
of financial services, and.

703
00:37:38.679 --> 00:37:40.559
I was like, thank goodness I didn't get that job.

704
00:37:41.719 --> 00:37:44.639
Thank goodness I did not get that job. Yeah, because

705
00:37:44.639 --> 00:37:48.159
I would still be stuck in that in over there,

706
00:37:48.400 --> 00:37:50.719
in doing that thing and not making.

707
00:37:51.039 --> 00:37:54.000
You know, the money that that I that I wanted

708
00:37:54.000 --> 00:37:55.960
to make, that I deserve to make, and I'd still

709
00:37:56.000 --> 00:37:59.480
be undervaluing myself and and I wouldn't be helping the

710
00:37:59.519 --> 00:38:00.360
people that helping.

711
00:38:00.400 --> 00:38:04.960
Now we're not really talking about purpose today, but that's

712
00:38:05.199 --> 00:38:06.840
one of the things that I do a lot of

713
00:38:07.039 --> 00:38:10.760
with financial education is talking about what's your purpose for

714
00:38:10.800 --> 00:38:13.519
your life? And that was what I had to do

715
00:38:13.960 --> 00:38:16.000
way back in the day when I was like what

716
00:38:16.039 --> 00:38:19.000
am I where am I going? What am I doing now?

717
00:38:19.039 --> 00:38:23.480
And so what you're really talking about is is really

718
00:38:23.519 --> 00:38:27.760
finding that And I think that those that can find

719
00:38:28.199 --> 00:38:31.159
a purpose in their life that really gives the joy

720
00:38:31.760 --> 00:38:36.760
it can really help. So we are we're running out

721
00:38:36.760 --> 00:38:44.440
of time. It always happens. So what small steps for

722
00:38:44.559 --> 00:38:47.400
those that are listening, that are thinking about this, What

723
00:38:47.519 --> 00:38:50.719
small steps do you think you could take to start

724
00:38:50.760 --> 00:38:54.800
investing in yourself, both financially and emotionally.

725
00:38:58.079 --> 00:39:01.519
Let me say, the one thing that I would tell

726
00:39:01.559 --> 00:39:05.519
anybody to do is to think about where they want

727
00:39:05.519 --> 00:39:09.800
to be in the future, whether that's financially or with

728
00:39:09.920 --> 00:39:13.800
a job, or or in their personal life, whatever it is.

729
00:39:14.559 --> 00:39:17.960
Think about what that is, and then take at least

730
00:39:18.039 --> 00:39:22.119
one small step every single day towards that goal, whatever

731
00:39:22.159 --> 00:39:26.559
it is, even if it's sending one email yeah, or

732
00:39:26.639 --> 00:39:30.039
making one phone call or researching you spend in an

733
00:39:30.039 --> 00:39:35.480
hour researching something you know, just do something every day

734
00:39:35.519 --> 00:39:38.559
to work towards that version of you that you want

735
00:39:38.559 --> 00:39:38.920
to become.

736
00:39:39.760 --> 00:39:45.199
Right right, and don't beat yourself up. I would say,

737
00:39:46.239 --> 00:39:50.119
give yourself credit, celebrate those little teeny tiny wins.

738
00:39:50.199 --> 00:39:54.239
Right, yes, give yourself the same compassion you would give

739
00:39:54.280 --> 00:39:54.840
somebody else.

740
00:39:55.000 --> 00:39:55.440
Think about it.

741
00:39:55.440 --> 00:39:57.480
If it was your best friend or your sister talking

742
00:39:57.480 --> 00:39:59.440
to you and saying, this is where I'm at, this

743
00:39:59.519 --> 00:40:02.599
is whatever, give yourself the compassion you would give them.

744
00:40:02.840 --> 00:40:03.559
Right right?

745
00:40:05.039 --> 00:40:05.360
Well?

746
00:40:06.440 --> 00:40:10.159
Can you also? Can you think of anything else about break?

747
00:40:10.239 --> 00:40:12.320
You know, like somebody is going, oh, I can see

748
00:40:12.320 --> 00:40:15.320
myself in this. What would you say would be some

749
00:40:15.400 --> 00:40:21.079
strategies to help break the cycle of always putting yourself last?

750
00:40:23.320 --> 00:40:25.840
Maybe saying no.

751
00:40:25.880 --> 00:40:31.760
More, saying no more setting boundaries and boundaries. You know,

752
00:40:31.960 --> 00:40:34.880
if I could get into a whole other spiel about boundaries,

753
00:40:34.920 --> 00:40:36.079
and I don't want to do that because we're run

754
00:40:36.119 --> 00:40:38.159
out of time, but you know, look up the real

755
00:40:38.199 --> 00:40:41.639
definition of boundaries, because boundaries sometimes aren't what you think

756
00:40:41.679 --> 00:40:45.920
they are. Sometimes you're thinking about setting boundaries for other

757
00:40:45.920 --> 00:40:47.559
people or other things, but really you got to set

758
00:40:47.599 --> 00:40:49.000
your own boundaries, right.

759
00:40:51.000 --> 00:40:54.039
So well, talking with just a little bit more about boundaries,

760
00:40:54.079 --> 00:40:56.239
how do you think you can involve family and friends

761
00:40:57.679 --> 00:41:00.559
in supporting So if you're saying, Okay, I'm going to

762
00:41:00.599 --> 00:41:04.519
have these new boundaries, I'm gonna have new ways of being,

763
00:41:04.599 --> 00:41:08.639
how how can you get those that are closest to

764
00:41:08.719 --> 00:41:11.360
you involved in supporting you. What do you think.

765
00:41:12.519 --> 00:41:17.639
Communication is always the answer to almost everything is communicating.

766
00:41:17.719 --> 00:41:20.880
But that doesn't mean that they're going to understand or

767
00:41:20.920 --> 00:41:22.480
that they are going to be supportive.

768
00:41:22.639 --> 00:41:25.480
It doesn't mean that. And you know what, that's okay,

769
00:41:25.519 --> 00:41:28.119
It's not their life, it's yours.

770
00:41:28.960 --> 00:41:35.480
Yeah, Well, how do you think you remind yourself? I mean,

771
00:41:37.400 --> 00:41:41.960
I can tell you so many times when I've like restarted,

772
00:41:42.079 --> 00:41:46.800
but restarted, restarted and restarted, but every time I was

773
00:41:46.840 --> 00:41:49.360
a little bit further ahead and I didn't realize it.

774
00:41:49.440 --> 00:41:52.199
But how can you remind yourself? You know that you

775
00:41:52.280 --> 00:41:57.079
are making progress and that taking care of yourself. What

776
00:41:57.119 --> 00:42:00.159
would you say would be strategies around reminding yourself to

777
00:42:00.199 --> 00:42:03.800
take care of yourself so that you can benefit those

778
00:42:03.840 --> 00:42:06.559
that you need or want to give to.

779
00:42:09.199 --> 00:42:09.639
Read.

780
00:42:09.679 --> 00:42:11.920
Every day is the first day of the rest of

781
00:42:11.920 --> 00:42:15.320
your life. You get a fresh start every day to

782
00:42:15.960 --> 00:42:19.880
do whatever right. That doesn't mean that your past is erased.

783
00:42:20.159 --> 00:42:22.079
It means you've learned from your past and it's a

784
00:42:22.079 --> 00:42:26.840
stepping stone to your future. Everything that you do is

785
00:42:26.880 --> 00:42:30.599
about becoming the next best version of yourself. So even

786
00:42:30.639 --> 00:42:33.679
if you have setbacks, all those times you restarted, all

787
00:42:33.719 --> 00:42:38.079
the times I restarted, those were all parts of us

788
00:42:38.559 --> 00:42:40.239
becoming our next best self.

789
00:42:41.960 --> 00:42:45.000
Yeah, well we are going to run out of time,

790
00:42:45.000 --> 00:42:47.440
but I would love to have you. Can you summarize

791
00:42:47.480 --> 00:42:51.679
the me money method and just exactly, you know, how

792
00:42:53.320 --> 00:42:56.639
what it is and how it came about. And you

793
00:42:56.679 --> 00:42:58.639
talked a little bit about how it came about, but

794
00:42:58.880 --> 00:43:00.760
you know, just maybe talking a little bit about what

795
00:43:00.840 --> 00:43:01.159
it is.

796
00:43:01.679 --> 00:43:03.480
It came about because I put my husband on a

797
00:43:03.480 --> 00:43:05.199
budget and then I put myself on the same budget

798
00:43:05.199 --> 00:43:07.840
and was mind blowing for us because we both we

799
00:43:08.000 --> 00:43:12.000
both were able to it leaned into our personalities and

800
00:43:12.039 --> 00:43:15.000
that's the key part of it because it's a financial strategy,

801
00:43:15.440 --> 00:43:17.840
but it's a mindset shift because it.

802
00:43:17.760 --> 00:43:21.920
Takes your money personality and it gives a framework to it.

803
00:43:22.000 --> 00:43:24.239
So that's why it works with any money personality because

804
00:43:24.239 --> 00:43:27.480
there's a framework to it. It's taking a set amount

805
00:43:27.480 --> 00:43:31.400
of money and putting it aside just for you, and

806
00:43:31.440 --> 00:43:33.559
then that's the money that you can spend on yourself

807
00:43:33.559 --> 00:43:35.719
and you don't answer to anyone. If you want to

808
00:43:35.760 --> 00:43:37.840
buy it, you buy it. It's your money. You can't

809
00:43:37.880 --> 00:43:39.320
go outside of that, though you have to.

810
00:43:39.519 --> 00:43:42.159
You have to live within your me money means, but

811
00:43:42.440 --> 00:43:44.079
you don't have to answer to your For me, I

812
00:43:44.280 --> 00:43:47.119
have to answer to myself. So in for my husband,

813
00:43:47.199 --> 00:43:48.760
he was just making better choices.

814
00:43:48.880 --> 00:43:53.000
Right, So depending on where you fall in your personality, that's.

815
00:43:52.840 --> 00:43:55.639
The key shift to it is that it gives you

816
00:43:56.800 --> 00:44:00.800
a type of abundance rather than restriction, because you get

817
00:44:00.800 --> 00:44:02.679
to make the choices about what you value. Is this

818
00:44:02.840 --> 00:44:04.119
worthy of my money or not?

819
00:44:05.000 --> 00:44:08.320
And for instance, I was a person who could justify

820
00:44:08.639 --> 00:44:12.320
paying ten dollars for ten different things at ten different times,

821
00:44:12.760 --> 00:44:15.320
but I wasn't going to justify spending one hundred dollars

822
00:44:15.360 --> 00:44:19.039
on myself. So I was really probably spending the same

823
00:44:19.079 --> 00:44:21.840
amount of money sometimes, but I was just making a

824
00:44:21.880 --> 00:44:24.639
better choice rather than ten things for ten dollars because

825
00:44:24.639 --> 00:44:26.719
it was a deal, because I can always justify that

826
00:44:27.760 --> 00:44:34.480
because awareness. Yeah, it is awareness, you're right, absolutely.

827
00:44:36.840 --> 00:44:39.559
So it's an online course that you take.

828
00:44:39.760 --> 00:44:44.079
There's an online course I have, uh huh, and it's

829
00:44:44.119 --> 00:44:46.760
pretty simple and there's an easy way to do it,

830
00:44:46.800 --> 00:44:48.440
and then there's like a more complicated way to do

831
00:44:48.480 --> 00:44:50.320
it that talks about like how to figure the cash flow,

832
00:44:51.159 --> 00:44:53.760
and it's all in the course and you can figure

833
00:44:53.760 --> 00:44:55.840
out your money personality in there and just understand a

834
00:44:55.880 --> 00:44:57.000
lot more than yourself.

835
00:44:58.920 --> 00:45:02.320
Well, on my way site, I always have this thing

836
00:45:02.360 --> 00:45:07.400
that I have about information about guests, and so there

837
00:45:07.440 --> 00:45:10.920
will be information on the website about where to find

838
00:45:11.000 --> 00:45:15.920
Linda and links to all of her cool stuff. So

839
00:45:16.159 --> 00:45:21.599
with that, Linda, the time is gone.

840
00:45:21.800 --> 00:45:22.519
I know so much.

841
00:45:22.719 --> 00:45:28.320
So thank you so much for joining us, and thank

842
00:45:28.360 --> 00:45:31.000
you so much for joining the Ask Good Questions podcast,

843
00:45:31.039 --> 00:45:32.599
and we will see you again next time.

844
00:45:35.440 --> 00:45:39.039
Today's episode is over, but we need ask Good Questions again,

845
00:45:39.159 --> 00:45:43.360
didn't We don't miss out as we broadcast live every Wednesday,

846
00:45:43.440 --> 00:45:47.199
six pm Eastern Time on W four CY Radio at

847
00:45:47.360 --> 00:45:51.440
w four cy dot com. Joined Banina Bellenderson next week

848
00:45:51.480 --> 00:45:57.360
for more conversations with experts on finances, retirement, behavioral finance issues,

849
00:45:57.480 --> 00:46:01.800
health and wellness and more. Until well then, remember to

850
00:46:01.840 --> 00:46:03.559
ask good questions.