July 9, 2025

Elder Care, Grief, and Grace: One Family’s Wake-Up Call

Elder Care, Grief, and Grace: One Family’s Wake-Up Call

When her mother was suddenly left alone under difficult and unexpected circumstances, Marie Swift found herself navigating the emotional and logistical complexities of elder care, spousal loss, and shifting family dynamics. With candor and compassion, she reflects on the lessons learned—both personal and financial—during a time of crisis, offering insight into the importance of asking the right questions and finding clarity amidst chaos.

Ask Good Questions is broadcast live Wednesdays at 6PM ET on W4CY Radio (www.w4cy.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com). Ask Good Questions is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).

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WEBVTT

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The topics and opinions express in the following show are

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solely those of the hosts and their guests, and not

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those of W FOURCY Radio. It's employees are affiliates. We

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make no recommendations or endorsements for radio show programs, services,

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or products mentioned on air or on our web. No

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liability explicitor implies shall be extended to W FOURCY Radio

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or its employees are affiliates. Any questions or comments should

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be directed to those show hosts. Thank you for choosing

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W FOURCY Radio.

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Welcome to to Ask Good Questions Podcasts, broadcasting live every Wednesday,

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six pm Eastern Time on W four CY Radio at

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w four cy dot com. This week and every week,

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we will reach for a higher purpose in money and life,

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as well as a focus on health and wellnes. Now,

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let's join your host, Anita bell Anderson as together we

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start with Asking Good Questions.

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Hello, this is your host, Benita bell Anderson, and welcome

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to the Ask Good Questions podcast. We are so excited

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that you're here today. We have an extra special guest,

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someone that I've known now for a while and I've

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been watching her progress. She's also in the financial industry.

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Her name is Marie Swift, and I would love to

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invite her to the Proverbial podcast stage right now. Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello.

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I'm so glad you're here. I've been looking forward to

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this conversation because I feel like this is going to

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be such an important topic that everyone needs to be

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thinking about and hear about. So I'm going to read

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this little diddy about you and then we'll get into

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our discussion. All right, sounds good, Okay, Well, here's here's

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a little short bio about Marie. Our guest today is

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Marie Swift, found and CEO of Impact Communications. While known

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for her expertise in the financial services industry, and I

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want to tell you, yeah, this girl gets around. Marie

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joins us today in a deeply personal capacity. She'll be

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sharing her family's experience navigating the complexities of eldercare, sudden

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spousal change, and the challenging dynamics that emerged when her

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mother became suddenly single under unexpected and difficult circumstances. Marie

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will bring a unique perspective, blending her professional understanding of

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financial matters with the raw emotional realities of family crisis,

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and will share valuable lessons learned about asking the right

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questions in times of immense stress and change. So have

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you got any beginning thought that you'd like to begin with.

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Well, as I thought about this conversation today, Bonnie, I

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was nervous. I am a professional communicator. I do marketing

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and pr for a living. I've done it for a

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very long time. I coach people on how to be

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articulate and gracious and graceful under pressure. But this is,

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as you said, a very deeply personal and vulnerable matter

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for me, and it is a little raw. I just

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got back two days ago from an unexpected respite care

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visit to help my sister. Bless her heart, she is

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just a saint. My sister is now the primary caregiver

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for my mother, and we're going to talk about that.

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But my initial thinking is that life comes at you

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in unexpected ways, and I'm a better person for the journey.

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But it has been hard.

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Yeah. I have got many examples in my family, including

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my mother and my sister and my brother. Yeah, I'm

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with you. Well, can you take us back. Let's begin here.

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Can you take us back when you first realized that

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your mother was going to need care.

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Yeah, at the time that the stroke happened. My mom

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was eighty nine. This was November last year, so about

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eight months ago, and she wanted to continue living independently.

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We had no idea that a stroke was in her future.

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She was living independently. She was living in a community

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of other people in an independent retirement community, very active singing,

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going to the community choir that she practiced in her

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church activities, you know, all of the things.

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With her family.

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I live in Kansas City, my sister lives in Idaho,

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my mom lives in Utah, and we have three brothers

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who are in Colorado.

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In California.

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So when my mom decided that her right hand was

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excuse me, her left hand was bothering her with carpal

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tunnel and she wanted to continue to play the piano,

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one of the loves of her life. She thought, well,

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carpal tunnel surgery will take care of that.

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Well.

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As a result of getting ready for that surgery and

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taking her off her medication some of her blood dinners,

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she actually a stroke happened because of that, and so

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fortuitously I was there to help her recover from the

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carpal tunnel surgery. But when I woke up that morning,

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it was as if there was a voice drawing me

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out of my air mattress in the living room. It said, Marie,

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get up, and it was a man's voice, and I

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could guess that maybe it was a divine calling for

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me to wake up and to check on my mother.

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And she was in her bed just a short distance

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from me. And it's hard to hear over some of

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them metal devices, like oxygen machines. But I went and

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she was having a stroke. And it took me a

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minute to realize that she was having what they call

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a waking stroke, where you wake up and it's very scary.

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You're having a stroke as you come out of sleep.

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So those were the moments where everything changed. I had

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come in for a three day visit to keep my

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mom company while she recovered from what should have been

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minor surgery, and instead this complication meant that she would

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have long term medical care needs.

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Wow, well, how did that sudden change impact her? I

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mean emotionally and physically. You know it must have been

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I mean, I I you know, I always joke about this.

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It's like, this is never going to happen to you

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and me, Right, We're not gonna We're not going to

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I can only imagine because you and I are both

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strong independent women, and I'm guessing that your mom was

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probably a strong independent woman, right. My mom taught us

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all how to ATV ride, and she would rep her engine,

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look over her shoulder and say eat my dust as

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she would race away and leave us behind in her dusk.

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So she taught us how to be strong, independent people.

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And so as a single mother raising five rather rambunctious children,

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me being the oldest of the five, she led the

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example of being independent, being self reliant, having that good

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pioneering spirit and put your shoulder to the wheel and

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do what you need to do and just suck it

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up buttercup and no cry babies allowed.

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So my mom was like that.

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She was tender, she was sweet, but she knew how

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to get stuff done. And that's how she raised her kids.

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And I am I am a credit to her. I

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hope and I hope to continue to make her proud

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throughout the rest of my life and beyond. So, yes,

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my mom was independent, living independently at age eight and

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men she moved her the retirement village because she was

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forced out of her home when her husband became significantly ill.

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With dementia, like the bad kind of dementia that feels

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like Alzheimer's but they don't call it that. Where there

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was a lot of aggression and bless his Hearty was

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a sweet gentleman for most of their eighteen year marriage,

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but towards the end he was not himself, and so

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that blended family. The other siblings said, asked that she

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leave the home with three days notice, asked that she

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take her things immediately with three days notice, because she

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was no longer needed in the caregiver capacity. And so

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with three days notice, we moved her out of that

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home where she'd lived with her husband for eighteen years

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and moved her to the independent residential community where she

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had some quite a bit of adjustments. So she wasn't

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quite single at that point because her husband was still alive,

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and yet he was not the man that she married

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where they had so many good years together, and so

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we had to recuperate from that wound, those hardships, all

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of that financial hardship, and the adjustment emotionally and mentally

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from that, and then eighteen months.

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Later the stroke. So that's a lot.

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Well did it make her? Was she angry or how?

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Yes, the situation with the blended family. She was angry,

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she was sad, she was confused, she felt jilted, she

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felt thrown out. We were all angry, confused, and there

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was There were conversations with attorneys and clergy and other

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people therapists to help us through this, But at the

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end of the day, the daughters of her husband moved

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him to a memory care center and we were forced

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to move our mother to independent living when she could

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have and wanted to stay in their family home.

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Yeah, well, what were the most immediate challenges for you?

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Well, so, during the time of transition from the marriage

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unraveling due to the dementia and the blended family complications,

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there were a lot of challenges supporting moms. So my

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sister and I were able to be there for Mom

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to support her through all of that and the decision

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making that had to occur. But she did eventually get

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settled and was relatively happy in the independent living environment

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where she made new friends and so forth. So there

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were a lot of immediate challenges and needs to be

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there with Mom, but nothing like the journey that unfolded

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when she had her stroke in November.

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Yeah. Well, I'm just wondering from a you know, because

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we're both financial professionals, but from your perspective, and I

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think this is really unique because since you're in the

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financial industry, what are some of the biggest surprises or

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blind spots that you think that you encountered with this.

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Yeah, so I had no idea how Medicare works. And

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my mom has a Medicare advantage plan, and she also

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has a secondary Medicare gap policy. Now that may sound unusual,

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but my mom was working at Utah Valley Hospital for

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so many years and they had this wonderful retiring benefit

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where she had a gap policy to fill the bills

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and the medical bills that came along that the advantage

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plan wouldn't pay. So we had relatively few financial worries

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as long as we fought the insurance system. And so

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what we found is that the insurance system for people

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of a certain age with a certain prognosis is geared

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towards discharging them. And we had to use some pretty

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tough positioning to advocate for our mother, who said she

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wanted to live. She wasn't done living, she had more

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life to live, she had more stories to tell. So

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we had to really work hard. My sister and I

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to figure out a way to convince the two insurance carriers,

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if you will, or the different divisions to work together

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to create a plan and not to discharge on mother prematurely.

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We also found that some of the medical facilities, such

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as the skilled nursing centers and the stroke centers that

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we were encountering, that they were ready to push her

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out and give up on her.

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And so we advocated for.

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Her financially and also with medical care, even in the

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face of medical providers telling us to give up.

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Yeah, you know, I'm thinking about my sister. My sister

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had this horrendous autoimmune things that went on for her.

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Her We fouindly. We finally ended up taking her home

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from the facility where we had her and having a

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whole huge, long, roundabout thing with different members of the

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family helping care as well as like two or three nurses.

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But my sister, you know, I'm just thinking about what

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the patient thinks about. My sister looked at me one

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day when I was caring for her, and she says,

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I never thought this would happen, yeah, you know, And

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I was like, I never thought this would happen either.

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You know, and so you just it's as much as

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you know, we have both you know, had all these

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years in the financial industry, but there's nothing that quite

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prepares you for that individual personal experience that was happening

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to you, right.

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Yeah, I mean, you know, once our mother got through

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the acute care from the urgency room up to the

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stroke unit at Utah Valley Hospital and into the elite

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rehab where they put her on a feeding tube and

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that was pretty hard to watch, told her that she

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wouldn't walk again, eat again, talk again, give up.

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You know, all of that.

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We advocated for her care and we kept asking her, mom,

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is this what you want? And she says she wanted

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to continue on. But to see your hero, your mother

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go through this and the frailty of life and the

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human condition, it's really eye opening when you see all

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of that. And you know, there's a lot of humility

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that comes into the equation from not just that hospital experience,

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but into a skilled nursing center where they said she

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needs to go to a nursing home and we said,

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not going to happen, not in our DNA.

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We don't do that in our family.

237
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So if you fast forward from the skilled nursing center

238
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where they said give us, You've done all you can.

239
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And then we went to we moved from Utah Valley

240
00:15:04.879 --> 00:15:08.039
up to Salt Lake Valley where we had different team members.

241
00:15:08.039 --> 00:15:10.120
She said, yes, we can still work with her. Yes,

242
00:15:10.159 --> 00:15:13.919
there's still progress to be made. Stroke centers and another

243
00:15:14.440 --> 00:15:19.559
rehabilitation stroke hospital, and now into outpatient therapies and now

244
00:15:19.639 --> 00:15:24.039
home therapies. She is talking, she is singing, she is

245
00:15:24.159 --> 00:15:27.639
walking with a walker, she is telling her stories. She

246
00:15:27.799 --> 00:15:31.799
still needs a twenty four to seven companion, but that's okay.

247
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There's still good life to live. And that journey is priceless.

248
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The moments that we've shared, the mother daughter experiences, the prayers,

249
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the fasting, the family circles. It has changed me profoundly

250
00:15:46.279 --> 00:15:48.080
about what it means to be a human being.

251
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So basically, what I think i'm hearing you say is

252
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don't give up. Do what you know is right. And

253
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from a you know and I'm thinking from a financial perspective,

254
00:16:02.159 --> 00:16:06.960
what would you tell our listeners, what should they what

255
00:16:07.000 --> 00:16:11.360
should they have in place? What financial documents or arrangements

256
00:16:11.399 --> 00:16:15.000
do you think would be most helpful with something like this?

257
00:16:16.120 --> 00:16:19.320
Fortunately for us, our mother has been a planner. She

258
00:16:19.399 --> 00:16:22.159
had been a single mom raising the five of us

259
00:16:22.200 --> 00:16:25.480
for so long. She did have a second marriage where

260
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he passed away, and then she remarried into this third marriage,

261
00:16:29.559 --> 00:16:32.120
and then you heard this story about how that unraveled.

262
00:16:32.679 --> 00:16:35.759
But Mom had always been independent, and so she had

263
00:16:35.759 --> 00:16:38.799
a will, she had a trust. She'd been preparing my

264
00:16:38.919 --> 00:16:43.440
sister and I to take over her finances and her logistics,

265
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and what to do with the family home when it

266
00:16:45.799 --> 00:16:48.440
came time to sell, how to divvy things up, where

267
00:16:48.440 --> 00:16:51.279
her bank accounts were, where her keys were, meeting her

268
00:16:51.320 --> 00:16:54.960
financial advisor, going to the CPA. So we've been doing

269
00:16:55.000 --> 00:16:57.919
this like a rehearsal for what happens to Mom? What

270
00:16:57.960 --> 00:17:00.440
do we do if something happens to Mom? But we

271
00:17:00.480 --> 00:17:03.200
didn't expect it to happen because of a stroke. We

272
00:17:03.279 --> 00:17:06.559
expected because her pacemaker would give out after a certain

273
00:17:06.640 --> 00:17:09.559
number of years. And so we had done all of

274
00:17:09.599 --> 00:17:11.920
these things. But I would say to those who don't

275
00:17:11.960 --> 00:17:14.960
have those things, if you don't have those things in place,

276
00:17:14.960 --> 00:17:18.519
and you're also having to manage the medical and emotional

277
00:17:18.559 --> 00:17:22.240
side of things and the logistics, man, you are in trouble.

278
00:17:22.480 --> 00:17:26.240
So thankfully, for us, it was a horrible journey, but

279
00:17:26.400 --> 00:17:29.000
a wonderful journey in so many ways. But we didn't

280
00:17:29.039 --> 00:17:31.680
have to worry about where are the keys? What do

281
00:17:31.759 --> 00:17:34.079
we do about the renters? You know, how do we

282
00:17:34.119 --> 00:17:35.880
manage the taxes and the finances?

283
00:17:37.039 --> 00:17:40.519
What do you think you learned about the elder care system?

284
00:17:41.319 --> 00:17:45.319
You know, whether that's legal or medical or housing.

285
00:17:44.880 --> 00:17:46.799
That you wish more families knew.

286
00:17:48.640 --> 00:17:52.680
Have a plan, know ahead what you what the contingencies

287
00:17:52.759 --> 00:17:55.319
might or might not be. We never expected this to

288
00:17:55.400 --> 00:17:58.839
happen so well. We'd been good planners. We didn't expect

289
00:17:58.880 --> 00:18:01.920
that mom would have us need to move from her

290
00:18:01.960 --> 00:18:05.400
home to an independent living center, from an independent living

291
00:18:05.440 --> 00:18:09.599
center into assisted or home care twenty four to seven.

292
00:18:09.839 --> 00:18:14.000
So just think through those scenarios and beyond the financials

293
00:18:14.000 --> 00:18:17.240
and the logistics, like what could happen? And how could

294
00:18:17.279 --> 00:18:19.920
you be prepared for that at least thinking through your

295
00:18:19.960 --> 00:18:21.119
options ahead of time.

296
00:18:22.920 --> 00:18:25.920
Do you feel like, what are the moments that come

297
00:18:25.920 --> 00:18:28.559
to mind that you feel like the system failed you

298
00:18:28.839 --> 00:18:34.279
and filled your family and failed your mother most particularly.

299
00:18:35.359 --> 00:18:39.240
You know, we slept by our mother's bed, My sister

300
00:18:39.279 --> 00:18:41.559
and I took turns twenty four to seven. We were

301
00:18:41.599 --> 00:18:44.720
with her and not that we didn't trust the medical care.

302
00:18:45.440 --> 00:18:47.960
We were in some of the best facilities in Utah

303
00:18:48.039 --> 00:18:50.920
Valley and Salt Lake Valley, but we saw that mistakes

304
00:18:50.920 --> 00:18:56.680
were made and that people who are in a condition

305
00:18:56.759 --> 00:18:59.440
where they can't advocate for themselves, they need people there

306
00:18:59.440 --> 00:19:03.240
to advocate. So it's not a failure so much is

307
00:19:03.400 --> 00:19:06.640
just a weak spot in the way care gets delivered,

308
00:19:07.200 --> 00:19:11.240
and that people are even medical professionals make mistakes and

309
00:19:11.240 --> 00:19:15.000
make bad judgment calls. So I would say that the failure,

310
00:19:15.759 --> 00:19:20.319
the chinks that we saw were in competencies from time

311
00:19:20.359 --> 00:19:21.279
to time and.

312
00:19:21.279 --> 00:19:23.279
Just people saying give up.

313
00:19:24.240 --> 00:19:26.400
But that's not what we're going to do, and the

314
00:19:26.440 --> 00:19:30.000
family continue to advocate for her and to make the

315
00:19:30.240 --> 00:19:33.319
care better for her because the days that she has

316
00:19:33.480 --> 00:19:37.119
ahead they may not be as many as as she

317
00:19:37.160 --> 00:19:40.200
would like, but we think she has another several.

318
00:19:39.839 --> 00:19:42.839
Good years left and we're want the best of them.

319
00:19:43.240 --> 00:19:44.880
Yeah, you want it to be the best that it

320
00:19:44.960 --> 00:19:49.480
can be. Yeah, Well, do you feel like you have

321
00:19:49.599 --> 00:19:52.480
there been instances where you had to balance honoring your

322
00:19:52.519 --> 00:19:57.680
mother's wishes with making critical decisions on her behalf. I mean,

323
00:19:57.680 --> 00:19:59.000
are you you know?

324
00:19:59.160 --> 00:19:59.240
So?

325
00:19:59.400 --> 00:20:05.160
I know from my personal experience where like my sister

326
00:20:05.200 --> 00:20:08.400
would say, I don't want you to be here. You

327
00:20:08.440 --> 00:20:12.640
can go, you need to go away, But I knew

328
00:20:12.640 --> 00:20:16.240
that I was going to stay there. So how did

329
00:20:16.279 --> 00:20:18.160
you ever? Do you have something that comes to mind

330
00:20:18.200 --> 00:20:21.160
when thinking about balancing what their wishes are with what

331
00:20:21.279 --> 00:20:22.440
you know needs to happen.

332
00:20:23.839 --> 00:20:28.559
I remember when we moved Mom out of her independent

333
00:20:28.640 --> 00:20:31.839
living apartment up to an airbnb to be closer to

334
00:20:31.880 --> 00:20:36.039
her therapies, that she sat on the bed and she

335
00:20:36.319 --> 00:20:40.000
was having a moment of despair, and she said, just

336
00:20:40.079 --> 00:20:42.880
take me to the nursing home. I don't want to

337
00:20:42.920 --> 00:20:46.119
be a burden anymore for you girls. And we sat

338
00:20:46.160 --> 00:20:49.000
side by side with her and we hugged her, and

339
00:20:49.319 --> 00:20:53.359
I felt to say to her, Mom, you don't belong there,

340
00:20:54.000 --> 00:20:55.799
you don't belong in a nursing home.

341
00:20:56.319 --> 00:20:57.680
We will work our way through this.

342
00:20:57.920 --> 00:21:01.079
So her wish in that moment was of despair not

343
00:21:01.160 --> 00:21:04.000
to be a burden on us, But we knew that

344
00:21:04.160 --> 00:21:07.519
what we would really want to do personally and in

345
00:21:07.599 --> 00:21:11.359
her honor, her wish when she's not despairing is to

346
00:21:11.400 --> 00:21:14.920
continue on to be tough and to continue to get

347
00:21:14.920 --> 00:21:17.640
the therapies and the medical care that have made a

348
00:21:17.680 --> 00:21:22.160
difference where the prayers that were answered are that she

349
00:21:22.279 --> 00:21:26.759
has continued to exceed all expectations for a now ninety

350
00:21:26.799 --> 00:21:30.480
year old woman. Yeah, well, what do you think your

351
00:21:30.519 --> 00:21:34.920
mother would want others to know from her experience of

352
00:21:35.000 --> 00:21:39.559
becoming suddenly single. Well, she told me on this last

353
00:21:39.559 --> 00:21:44.000
trip when I was in Utah with her, make sure

354
00:21:44.079 --> 00:21:47.359
if you get remarried, Marie, that you do not move

355
00:21:47.400 --> 00:21:50.079
into your new husband's home and he does not move

356
00:21:50.119 --> 00:21:51.240
into your home.

357
00:21:51.559 --> 00:21:52.480
Get a new home.

358
00:21:52.960 --> 00:21:56.039
That way, you are less likely to have a situation

359
00:21:56.359 --> 00:21:59.279
where the children come in and say, well, this is

360
00:21:59.359 --> 00:21:59.960
dad's home.

361
00:22:00.200 --> 00:22:00.920
You need to go.

362
00:22:01.640 --> 00:22:04.759
You're no longer needed or wanted here. You're not our mom,

363
00:22:04.960 --> 00:22:07.839
and thanks for being a companion to dad, see you later,

364
00:22:08.279 --> 00:22:10.839
So get your own home, Mom said to me. And

365
00:22:10.880 --> 00:22:13.359
I think she would want people to know that medical

366
00:22:13.400 --> 00:22:16.440
professionals don't always understand the.

367
00:22:16.359 --> 00:22:17.799
Work that therapists do.

368
00:22:18.519 --> 00:22:23.599
Occupational therapists, physical therapists, speech therapist, mental therapists. We have

369
00:22:23.720 --> 00:22:26.519
had a lot of therapists who have been life savers

370
00:22:26.839 --> 00:22:31.000
and exceeded the doctor's expectations. And I have those people

371
00:22:31.039 --> 00:22:34.519
who are other family members who confirm that that is true.

372
00:22:35.000 --> 00:22:39.160
Many times the medical professionals who are saving lives do

373
00:22:39.279 --> 00:22:42.359
not fully understand the good work that these therapists can

374
00:22:42.440 --> 00:22:45.160
do if given enough of a runway. So I think

375
00:22:45.240 --> 00:22:47.960
Mom would want people to know that about medical care.

376
00:22:49.240 --> 00:22:52.839
Is there anything that you think you'd do differently now

377
00:22:52.839 --> 00:22:54.839
that you've been through or now that you're, you know,

378
00:22:55.079 --> 00:22:59.119
kind of on the downhill side of this journey? Hopefully,

379
00:22:59.519 --> 00:23:02.559
hopefully she just has some good years and then passes

380
00:23:02.559 --> 00:23:10.400
away peacefully. But is there anything you do differently now?

381
00:23:10.599 --> 00:23:14.799
Prior to the separation and the adversity that was faced

382
00:23:14.839 --> 00:23:18.359
in this splendid family situation, I would have thought ahead

383
00:23:18.440 --> 00:23:21.680
about what could have happened and not been so pollyanna

384
00:23:21.839 --> 00:23:25.599
and trusting. I would have started thinking about those possible

385
00:23:25.640 --> 00:23:29.200
scenarios as life went on and what could have happened,

386
00:23:29.200 --> 00:23:30.880
and I would have asked a better question. I would

387
00:23:30.880 --> 00:23:35.160
have said, why are you doing this? And I didn't.

388
00:23:35.559 --> 00:23:38.440
I should have delved into why the other family was

389
00:23:38.559 --> 00:23:41.279
pushing in the direction that they were, and why what

390
00:23:41.440 --> 00:23:47.640
seemed like such cruelties occurred. I would have found a

391
00:23:47.680 --> 00:23:51.039
way to take more time for myself to recharge my batteries.

392
00:23:51.079 --> 00:23:53.240
There was a time where my sister and I after

393
00:23:53.319 --> 00:23:56.319
four months was seeming like, when is this going to end?

394
00:23:56.720 --> 00:23:59.759
Sleeping by mom's bed twenty four to seven, taking turns.

395
00:24:00.119 --> 00:24:02.880
I would have found a better way to recharge my batteries.

396
00:24:03.319 --> 00:24:05.279
I would have found a better way for my sister

397
00:24:05.440 --> 00:24:08.319
to get respect care. But when you're in those moments

398
00:24:08.359 --> 00:24:10.559
and you don't think you can leave, you just stick

399
00:24:10.599 --> 00:24:12.960
around and you shuck it up and you do what

400
00:24:13.000 --> 00:24:13.640
you need to do.

401
00:24:14.599 --> 00:24:18.680
Yeah. Yeah, but that is a very good point because

402
00:24:18.720 --> 00:24:22.440
if you if your health fails, then you're not any

403
00:24:22.440 --> 00:24:25.480
good to anybody, and that that's a sobering thing that

404
00:24:25.559 --> 00:24:31.599
you have to take care of yourself asolegally you on. Wow, Well,

405
00:24:32.480 --> 00:24:38.759
what's one powerful question that people should ask themselves or

406
00:24:38.880 --> 00:24:43.119
their loved ones today before a crisis hits? What do

407
00:24:43.160 --> 00:24:46.200
you think is if somebody is saying, oh, we're not

408
00:24:46.319 --> 00:24:48.920
there yet, but it might come someday, What's what's that

409
00:24:49.039 --> 00:24:51.079
one powerful question people should ask?

410
00:24:53.720 --> 00:24:54.200
Who?

411
00:24:56.119 --> 00:24:58.640
How far do you want to go? What kind of heroics?

412
00:24:58.759 --> 00:25:01.240
My mom had an NDA or excuse me and do

413
00:25:01.400 --> 00:25:04.200
not to resuscitate? So I got the initials wrong, empty

414
00:25:04.279 --> 00:25:08.000
as another thing right, But she in the moment, she

415
00:25:08.359 --> 00:25:11.279
decided that that was no longer what she wanted to

416
00:25:11.319 --> 00:25:14.599
do that she it wasn't resuscitation, but it was sustenance.

417
00:25:14.640 --> 00:25:17.599
It was the feeding tube that she accepted. It wasn't

418
00:25:17.640 --> 00:25:21.240
intubation to breathe, but it was sustenance to give her

419
00:25:21.319 --> 00:25:23.599
time to see if she could make it. So think

420
00:25:23.640 --> 00:25:27.000
about that. Would you really want a feeding tube? Google

421
00:25:27.039 --> 00:25:29.680
it and see what happens when you get a feeding

422
00:25:29.720 --> 00:25:32.079
tube and there are a couple kinds and it was

423
00:25:32.200 --> 00:25:35.400
you know, would you want to do that? And could

424
00:25:35.400 --> 00:25:37.960
you change your mind in the moment? Think through those

425
00:25:38.000 --> 00:25:42.359
medical what ifs. You know, life happens to us all,

426
00:25:42.759 --> 00:25:46.680
whether it's a stroke or something else. So you know,

427
00:25:46.799 --> 00:25:49.920
think through those possibilities and really talk with your family

428
00:25:50.359 --> 00:25:53.279
so that they're clear about what your wishes are, and

429
00:25:54.799 --> 00:25:57.480
then figure it out in the moment. Of course there

430
00:25:57.519 --> 00:25:59.960
needs to be adjustments, but then try to try to

431
00:26:00.079 --> 00:26:03.160
stick to the guidelines of the person or you what

432
00:26:03.200 --> 00:26:04.960
you would want, right.

433
00:26:06.119 --> 00:26:09.359
I think, you know, my experience in the last twenty

434
00:26:09.400 --> 00:26:12.599
five years helping people get their wills and doing all that,

435
00:26:13.240 --> 00:26:17.279
a lot of times people are just they just don't

436
00:26:17.279 --> 00:26:19.000
want to deal with it, and they're just saying, oh,

437
00:26:19.039 --> 00:26:23.000
that'll never happen to me, and my experience has been

438
00:26:23.480 --> 00:26:28.359
you know, you and I as financial professionals, we have

439
00:26:28.480 --> 00:26:32.400
to say no, you need to get these documents in

440
00:26:32.480 --> 00:26:35.720
place because you don't want to judge. I mean, because

441
00:26:35.720 --> 00:26:39.200
what happens if none of those documents were in place?

442
00:26:39.240 --> 00:26:41.960
What would have happened to her? Yeah? I mean if

443
00:26:42.000 --> 00:26:46.880
there was nothing, If there was nothing there, and if

444
00:26:46.880 --> 00:26:48.640
there was no daughters there.

445
00:26:50.279 --> 00:26:51.200
How is she going?

446
00:26:51.400 --> 00:26:53.720
You know, can you imagine what a train wreck that is?

447
00:26:54.079 --> 00:26:55.400
It would have been a train wreck.

448
00:26:56.240 --> 00:27:00.200
Yeah, especially with her being told to get out of

449
00:27:00.240 --> 00:27:00.720
the house.

450
00:27:01.240 --> 00:27:04.359
Yeah. I would also just counsel to get a second

451
00:27:04.359 --> 00:27:05.799
opinion on your prenups.

452
00:27:06.559 --> 00:27:13.519
Yes, yeah, absolutely. Wow, Well our time is gone, can

453
00:27:13.559 --> 00:27:16.640
you believe it? I feel like we could go on

454
00:27:16.759 --> 00:27:20.160
and on and talk about stories and everything that happened

455
00:27:20.200 --> 00:27:22.640
with this sort of thing. But I think we've covered

456
00:27:22.680 --> 00:27:24.839
a lot of the important things that need to be

457
00:27:25.039 --> 00:27:28.519
thought about. And what would be what would you like

458
00:27:28.640 --> 00:27:35.279
to kind of sum up this discussion with partying thought.

459
00:27:36.519 --> 00:27:39.920
You know, it's hard to sum it up in one thought,

460
00:27:40.039 --> 00:27:43.799
but to thine own self be true, and myself said,

461
00:27:44.279 --> 00:27:46.440
mom wants to live. I'm going to do everything to

462
00:27:46.480 --> 00:27:48.440
fight with her as long as she wants to fight.

463
00:27:48.960 --> 00:27:50.960
So that was true for me, that was true for

464
00:27:51.079 --> 00:27:53.839
my sister, and for all of you who are listening

465
00:27:53.960 --> 00:27:57.039
or watching. You know, to thine own self be true

466
00:27:57.079 --> 00:27:58.759
and to your loved ones be true.

467
00:28:00.400 --> 00:28:03.400
It's really the most loving thing you can do, isn't it.

468
00:28:03.920 --> 00:28:07.160
To get your documents and arrangements in place as much

469
00:28:07.200 --> 00:28:12.519
as possible. Of course, we don't know, we can't possibly

470
00:28:12.640 --> 00:28:15.880
know what the particulars are going to be about, what challenge.

471
00:28:15.599 --> 00:28:16.440
Is laid before us.

472
00:28:17.119 --> 00:28:22.559
But just getting those things in places, that's kind of

473
00:28:22.640 --> 00:28:24.720
like the base thing my mom. You know what my

474
00:28:24.799 --> 00:28:28.119
mom used to say. My mother said, take care of

475
00:28:28.160 --> 00:28:36.039
your business, carry your business, and then you just go

476
00:28:36.119 --> 00:28:38.680
with the flow with whatever has to happen beyond that.

477
00:28:39.480 --> 00:28:43.680
Absolutely well, I did have a good business plan in place.

478
00:28:43.759 --> 00:28:46.319
I am an entrepreneur. I had in my next generation

479
00:28:46.480 --> 00:28:50.240
takeover and the business ran well without me for almost

480
00:28:50.279 --> 00:28:52.319
four months before I started.

481
00:28:51.960 --> 00:28:54.359
Stepping back in. So that was a good.

482
00:28:54.319 --> 00:28:57.720
Fire drill to make sure that my business is okay.

483
00:28:58.400 --> 00:29:02.079
Right, Yeah, because the the financial ramifications. So what if

484
00:29:02.119 --> 00:29:04.640
somebody is like working for somebody else and can't take

485
00:29:04.680 --> 00:29:07.640
time off, Yeah, there's lots and lots of things. That's

486
00:29:07.640 --> 00:29:11.279
so you have to go, Okay, what's the plan, Hey,

487
00:29:11.400 --> 00:29:15.599
what's the plan? B? What if this happened? What if

488
00:29:15.599 --> 00:29:18.799
anything happened? You can just say, well, what about taking

489
00:29:18.839 --> 00:29:21.799
time off and things like that. So this is kind

490
00:29:21.799 --> 00:29:24.599
of just like an over the treetops look at doing

491
00:29:24.640 --> 00:29:29.200
some planning and making arrangements for especially the many, many

492
00:29:29.200 --> 00:29:32.640
many people out there that are looking at I'm probably

493
00:29:32.680 --> 00:29:36.160
going to be having to do some care of parents someday.

494
00:29:37.039 --> 00:29:40.960
And so, Marie, thank you so much for being with

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00:29:41.039 --> 00:29:44.119
us today. This is such an important topic. I will

496
00:29:44.200 --> 00:29:51.240
have your information available for people to contact you if

497
00:29:51.759 --> 00:29:55.119
someone wants to follow up and ask some more questions

498
00:29:55.119 --> 00:29:55.440
from you.

499
00:29:56.000 --> 00:29:59.240
Thank you, Bonnie so and so.

500
00:29:59.559 --> 00:30:03.599
With that we'll say audios, thank you so much for

501
00:30:03.680 --> 00:30:06.160
joining us on the Ask Good Questions podcast.

502
00:30:09.119 --> 00:30:12.720
Today's episode is over, but we did Ask Good Questions again,

503
00:30:12.839 --> 00:30:17.039
didn't We don't miss out as we broadcast live every Wednesday,

504
00:30:17.079 --> 00:30:21.119
six pm Eastern Time on W FOURCY Radio at w

505
00:30:21.279 --> 00:30:25.680
fourcy dot com. Joined Nina Bellmerson next week for more

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00:30:25.759 --> 00:30:31.400
conversations with experts on finances, retirement, behavioral finance issues, health

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00:30:31.440 --> 00:30:37.240
and wellness, and more. Until then, remember to ask good questions.