July 9, 2025
Elder Care, Grief, and Grace: One Family’s Wake-Up Call
When her mother was suddenly left alone under difficult and unexpected circumstances, Marie Swift found herself navigating the emotional and logistical complexities of elder care, spousal loss, and shifting family dynamics. With candor and compassion, she reflects on the lessons learned—both personal and financial—during a time of crisis, offering insight into the importance of asking the right questions and finding clarity amidst chaos.
Ask Good Questions is broadcast live Wednesdays at 6PM ET on W4CY Radio (www.w4cy.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com). Ask Good Questions is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).
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WEBVTT
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The topics and opinions express in the following show are
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solely those of the hosts and their guests, and not
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those of W FOURCY Radio. It's employees are affiliates. We
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make no recommendations or endorsements for radio show programs, services,
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or products mentioned on air or on our web. No
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liability explicitor implies shall be extended to W FOURCY Radio
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or its employees are affiliates. Any questions or comments should
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be directed to those show hosts. Thank you for choosing
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W FOURCY Radio.
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Welcome to to Ask Good Questions Podcasts, broadcasting live every Wednesday,
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six pm Eastern Time on W four CY Radio at
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w four cy dot com. This week and every week,
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we will reach for a higher purpose in money and life,
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as well as a focus on health and wellnes. Now,
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let's join your host, Anita bell Anderson as together we
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start with Asking Good Questions.
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Hello, this is your host, Benita bell Anderson, and welcome
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to the Ask Good Questions podcast. We are so excited
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that you're here today. We have an extra special guest,
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someone that I've known now for a while and I've
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been watching her progress. She's also in the financial industry.
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Her name is Marie Swift, and I would love to
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invite her to the Proverbial podcast stage right now. Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello.
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I'm so glad you're here. I've been looking forward to
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this conversation because I feel like this is going to
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be such an important topic that everyone needs to be
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thinking about and hear about. So I'm going to read
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this little diddy about you and then we'll get into
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our discussion. All right, sounds good, Okay, Well, here's here's
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a little short bio about Marie. Our guest today is
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Marie Swift, found and CEO of Impact Communications. While known
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for her expertise in the financial services industry, and I
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want to tell you, yeah, this girl gets around. Marie
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joins us today in a deeply personal capacity. She'll be
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sharing her family's experience navigating the complexities of eldercare, sudden
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spousal change, and the challenging dynamics that emerged when her
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mother became suddenly single under unexpected and difficult circumstances. Marie
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will bring a unique perspective, blending her professional understanding of
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financial matters with the raw emotional realities of family crisis,
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and will share valuable lessons learned about asking the right
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questions in times of immense stress and change. So have
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you got any beginning thought that you'd like to begin with.
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Well, as I thought about this conversation today, Bonnie, I
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was nervous. I am a professional communicator. I do marketing
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and pr for a living. I've done it for a
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very long time. I coach people on how to be
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articulate and gracious and graceful under pressure. But this is,
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as you said, a very deeply personal and vulnerable matter
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for me, and it is a little raw. I just
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got back two days ago from an unexpected respite care
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visit to help my sister. Bless her heart, she is
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just a saint. My sister is now the primary caregiver
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for my mother, and we're going to talk about that.
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But my initial thinking is that life comes at you
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in unexpected ways, and I'm a better person for the journey.
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But it has been hard.
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Yeah. I have got many examples in my family, including
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my mother and my sister and my brother. Yeah, I'm
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with you. Well, can you take us back. Let's begin here.
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Can you take us back when you first realized that
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your mother was going to need care.
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Yeah, at the time that the stroke happened. My mom
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was eighty nine. This was November last year, so about
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eight months ago, and she wanted to continue living independently.
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We had no idea that a stroke was in her future.
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She was living independently. She was living in a community
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of other people in an independent retirement community, very active singing,
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going to the community choir that she practiced in her
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church activities, you know, all of the things.
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With her family.
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I live in Kansas City, my sister lives in Idaho,
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my mom lives in Utah, and we have three brothers
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who are in Colorado.
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In California.
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So when my mom decided that her right hand was
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excuse me, her left hand was bothering her with carpal
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tunnel and she wanted to continue to play the piano,
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one of the loves of her life. She thought, well,
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carpal tunnel surgery will take care of that.
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Well.
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As a result of getting ready for that surgery and
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taking her off her medication some of her blood dinners,
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she actually a stroke happened because of that, and so
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fortuitously I was there to help her recover from the
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carpal tunnel surgery. But when I woke up that morning,
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it was as if there was a voice drawing me
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out of my air mattress in the living room. It said, Marie,
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get up, and it was a man's voice, and I
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could guess that maybe it was a divine calling for
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me to wake up and to check on my mother.
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And she was in her bed just a short distance
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from me. And it's hard to hear over some of
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them metal devices, like oxygen machines. But I went and
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she was having a stroke. And it took me a
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minute to realize that she was having what they call
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a waking stroke, where you wake up and it's very scary.
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You're having a stroke as you come out of sleep.
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So those were the moments where everything changed. I had
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come in for a three day visit to keep my
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mom company while she recovered from what should have been
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minor surgery, and instead this complication meant that she would
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have long term medical care needs.
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Wow, well, how did that sudden change impact her? I
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mean emotionally and physically. You know it must have been
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I mean, I I you know, I always joke about this.
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It's like, this is never going to happen to you
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and me, Right, We're not gonna We're not going to
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I can only imagine because you and I are both
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strong independent women, and I'm guessing that your mom was
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probably a strong independent woman, right. My mom taught us
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all how to ATV ride, and she would rep her engine,
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look over her shoulder and say eat my dust as
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she would race away and leave us behind in her dusk.
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So she taught us how to be strong, independent people.
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And so as a single mother raising five rather rambunctious children,
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me being the oldest of the five, she led the
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example of being independent, being self reliant, having that good
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pioneering spirit and put your shoulder to the wheel and
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do what you need to do and just suck it
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up buttercup and no cry babies allowed.
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So my mom was like that.
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She was tender, she was sweet, but she knew how
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to get stuff done. And that's how she raised her kids.
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And I am I am a credit to her. I
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hope and I hope to continue to make her proud
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throughout the rest of my life and beyond. So, yes,
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my mom was independent, living independently at age eight and
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men she moved her the retirement village because she was
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forced out of her home when her husband became significantly ill.
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With dementia, like the bad kind of dementia that feels
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like Alzheimer's but they don't call it that. Where there
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was a lot of aggression and bless his Hearty was
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a sweet gentleman for most of their eighteen year marriage,
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but towards the end he was not himself, and so
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that blended family. The other siblings said, asked that she
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leave the home with three days notice, asked that she
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take her things immediately with three days notice, because she
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was no longer needed in the caregiver capacity. And so
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with three days notice, we moved her out of that
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home where she'd lived with her husband for eighteen years
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and moved her to the independent residential community where she
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had some quite a bit of adjustments. So she wasn't
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quite single at that point because her husband was still alive,
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and yet he was not the man that she married
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where they had so many good years together, and so
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we had to recuperate from that wound, those hardships, all
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of that financial hardship, and the adjustment emotionally and mentally
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from that, and then eighteen months.
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Later the stroke. So that's a lot.
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Well did it make her? Was she angry or how?
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Yes, the situation with the blended family. She was angry,
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she was sad, she was confused, she felt jilted, she
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felt thrown out. We were all angry, confused, and there
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was There were conversations with attorneys and clergy and other
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people therapists to help us through this, But at the
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end of the day, the daughters of her husband moved
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him to a memory care center and we were forced
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to move our mother to independent living when she could
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have and wanted to stay in their family home.
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Yeah, well, what were the most immediate challenges for you?
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Well, so, during the time of transition from the marriage
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unraveling due to the dementia and the blended family complications,
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there were a lot of challenges supporting moms. So my
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sister and I were able to be there for Mom
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to support her through all of that and the decision
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making that had to occur. But she did eventually get
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settled and was relatively happy in the independent living environment
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where she made new friends and so forth. So there
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were a lot of immediate challenges and needs to be
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there with Mom, but nothing like the journey that unfolded
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when she had her stroke in November.
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Yeah. Well, I'm just wondering from a you know, because
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we're both financial professionals, but from your perspective, and I
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think this is really unique because since you're in the
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financial industry, what are some of the biggest surprises or
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blind spots that you think that you encountered with this.
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Yeah, so I had no idea how Medicare works. And
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my mom has a Medicare advantage plan, and she also
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has a secondary Medicare gap policy. Now that may sound unusual,
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but my mom was working at Utah Valley Hospital for
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so many years and they had this wonderful retiring benefit
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where she had a gap policy to fill the bills
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and the medical bills that came along that the advantage
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plan wouldn't pay. So we had relatively few financial worries
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as long as we fought the insurance system. And so
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what we found is that the insurance system for people
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of a certain age with a certain prognosis is geared
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towards discharging them. And we had to use some pretty
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tough positioning to advocate for our mother, who said she
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wanted to live. She wasn't done living, she had more
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life to live, she had more stories to tell. So
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we had to really work hard. My sister and I
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to figure out a way to convince the two insurance carriers,
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if you will, or the different divisions to work together
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to create a plan and not to discharge on mother prematurely.
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We also found that some of the medical facilities, such
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as the skilled nursing centers and the stroke centers that
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we were encountering, that they were ready to push her
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out and give up on her.
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And so we advocated for.
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Her financially and also with medical care, even in the
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face of medical providers telling us to give up.
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Yeah, you know, I'm thinking about my sister. My sister
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had this horrendous autoimmune things that went on for her.
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Her We fouindly. We finally ended up taking her home
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from the facility where we had her and having a
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whole huge, long, roundabout thing with different members of the
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family helping care as well as like two or three nurses.
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But my sister, you know, I'm just thinking about what
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the patient thinks about. My sister looked at me one
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day when I was caring for her, and she says,
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I never thought this would happen, yeah, you know, And
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I was like, I never thought this would happen either.
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You know, and so you just it's as much as
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you know, we have both you know, had all these
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years in the financial industry, but there's nothing that quite
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prepares you for that individual personal experience that was happening
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to you, right.
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Yeah, I mean, you know, once our mother got through
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the acute care from the urgency room up to the
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stroke unit at Utah Valley Hospital and into the elite
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rehab where they put her on a feeding tube and
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that was pretty hard to watch, told her that she
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wouldn't walk again, eat again, talk again, give up.
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You know, all of that.
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We advocated for her care and we kept asking her, mom,
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is this what you want? And she says she wanted
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to continue on. But to see your hero, your mother
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go through this and the frailty of life and the
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human condition, it's really eye opening when you see all
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of that. And you know, there's a lot of humility
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that comes into the equation from not just that hospital experience,
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but into a skilled nursing center where they said she
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needs to go to a nursing home and we said,
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not going to happen, not in our DNA.
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We don't do that in our family.
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So if you fast forward from the skilled nursing center
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where they said give us, You've done all you can.
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And then we went to we moved from Utah Valley
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up to Salt Lake Valley where we had different team members.
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She said, yes, we can still work with her. Yes,
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there's still progress to be made. Stroke centers and another
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